ashvannah1107's Journal

Well Uncle Jr's funeral is Wednesday and his burial id Thursday I have no idea how I am going to make it through his funeral and things I know that I have to be there for my dad and the family lpus I grew very close to Jr in the last 6 months and I am going ot be very upset if I cant force myself to be there this is the first funeral that I have to go to since Savannah's funeral really the last one was just my mothers cousins wife and I didnt even know her and it brung up bad memorials and things and I know Jr. well and I want to be there for the whole thing I could only stand to be there at my moms cousins wifes funeral for 5 mintues and I rushed my mother through that I was her ride and I told her I could no longer be in there and I just think that my nerves are not going to be able to handle it and I think now that missing Savannah is worse now then ever it is almost a year without her then 2 weeks later and it will be her 2nd birthday and I just miss her so much I should of seen her turn 2 she should be here right now still driving me crazy she should still be going through my cabinets and getting into everything she loved to mess the house up right after I got it clean

I just miss her so much and my uncle Jr was living right below in the apartment downstairs from where Savannah passed and his brother found him in his chair asleep and not breathing although no one has heard if they done an autopsy but I bet that they did he was just mentally ill no physical really and things yes he smoked but I dont k=think that wa the reason adn he was just sleeping and things and that was the way I dound Savannah just laying there asleep looking so peaceful and I know that this is going to be hard for me there are going to be people there that I havent seen since Savannah's funeral and there are going to be people there that I havent seen since I was pregnant with Savannah's and I just dont want alot of people to be  asking me where she is and  things I just know that it is going to be very hard and I dont know if I can do it and stuff I go see my doctor tomorrow cus my nerves are all ove rhte place is there a medicine out there that helps I have been getting this pain in my chest that feels like I am having a heartattack and if it happens today again I am going ot the ER cus I feel like I am dying it hurts to breath adneverything I dont know what in the heck is going on? well I hope all is good