ashvannah1107's Journal

Well I know that this must sound every crazy but I had a dream that Brycen stopped breathing on me and then when  I called the ambulance the lady was like she would be down when she got done eating her food but then I got him to breath again and then he stopped and everyone around me thought that I was joking and was not taking it serious and everytime that I called the ambulance back they said that it would be awhile but then I got him to breath well need less to say I woke up already crying and it just reminded me of the day that I found Savannh in bed lifeless and hard OMG I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous break down and I am trying very hard to keep it together for the new baby I have no idea how I made it this long and you know that they say that this is the time of year for it to happen and Savannahs 1 year is coming up in a month and a half OMG I feel so bad I just am so scared right now I hate feeling like this and I go to the doctor to have a meeting with her to talk about the anxiety that I have been having and I dont know I hope that things will help and they offered me zoloft when I was pregnant and I didnt take it because they said on there that it could make your baby have breathing difficulities and I did not want my baby born like that.

OMG! I just found out that my uncle Jr. died last night they found him in his apartment not breathing!!! OMG! the very werid thing about it is that Savannah died in the apartment upstair right above his apartment OMG!!! I think something is truely werid about the apartments I am very glad that I moved out of there and how am I going to have to go through his funeral OMG I dont think that I am going ot make it Jr was a very nice man very loving and I havent talked to him in weeks and I didnt even get to tell him good bye and I loved him OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!