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ashvannah1107 
1:33pm Wednesday
Well the baby shower was suppose to be July 11th and I went to the hospital for a scheduled stress test and which the baby wasn't under any stress but I was going into preterm labor! And they tried this IV and that made things worse so I had to get a shot and now I have to take a pill every 6 hours for contrations and today is my birthday and I woke up feeling contractions and if the meds don't work he will be 5 weeks and 6 days early I am very scared now what is going on! I dont know what is going on it sux for real and stuff! The nurse told me that if I had him now that he will have to stay in the hospital and thye would have to breath for him and OMG! I cant go thru seeing that! And premature babies are more prone to SIDS and I cant think about that now I am going to be even more nervous and I have been staying off of my feet and OMG! I am very nervous I am praying that he stays in there until I am 37 wees which is still like 3 weeks I am nervous my sister had to go through this and she said she had to take only a few of the pills but she was 36 weeks and they just wanted her to wait 1 week I have no clue why this is happening Savannah was 41 weeks and a day when I had her and I thought she was never going to come out! And this meds make me very shaking and not feeling very good! I hate this and the nurse told me not to be emotional and how in the heck can I not be emotional Im pregnant and my daughter passed away 8 and a half months ago and does she know how that feels I pray not and I think that it is all hitting me at once now I was doing very good not crying and now for some reason I get in the shower and miss her so much I remember taking a shower with her and she was having so much fun and that day I got to take her tricker treating and now I know that I will never like halloween and that is sad! I hate that she only got to live through all of the holiday in the almost year she was hereI hate that i couldnt even throw her a birthday party and I am going to buy her a cake this year and me and her brother are going to go spend it with her! It rained on her birthday last year and I stood in the rain with a cake for her a little one and cupcakes and lite a candle and waited til she blew it out and stuff but I think Im goignt o buy hats and stuff! she will be 2 years old November 15 th and I miss her so much why did she have to go 2 weeks before her first baday I had her party planned and was so excited her dad was there and everything got to be good and then I had to wake up and find her body cold and hard! Y?I know I shouldnt ask but really Y? Y any baby? they are innocent and good and y? Can I really make it through this it is starting to look like I cant! I remember last year for my birthday it was on a sunday but it was my 21st and I could get in the bar at midnight and my parents took savannah for the night and I just missed her so much I wanted her there and she wasnt and then in the morning when I woke up I was calling and my cousin was like she is ok lets just leave and hang out just us for a while before we have to get the kids and I was like I just wnat her so bad I miss her and then my mom didnt even want to give her back and seeing her face when she pulled up and I got int he car and started getting her out she was screaming mamma mamma and hugging me O I loved it and she did too! I dont think I let her down that whole day! My mom only watched her 3 nights when she was alive and One night I was right next door I lived next to them and it was just cus she was alseep with granny and I didnt want to bother them I miss her more and more everyday! Well not doing to good on not getting emotional!
