Journal Entry for June 25, 2009
June 25, 2009 10:42pm
Progress
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lostmama1028 
7:07pm, July 3, 2009
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About Me
lostmama1028
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About Me
my name is stpehanie. im 19. and im dealing with depression. have been for years, and im at a loss at what to do. its ruining my relatioship with my bf of 3 years and i cant afford to lose him, and our beautiful daughter. growing up i didnt have people to talk to cause my dad was always working ans i had to stay home and take care of my grandpa from the time i was 11 till i left home. then my mom was out fuckin every black guy she could and disappearing for a week at a time doing coke. so i didnt have her. then when i was a few months over 15 i was shot twice and almost lost my life. so i also deal with post traumatic stress disorder. theres so many things in my life i realize im missing out on because of this "disease" and im tired of it. iwanna change to better my life. my daughters life. and my life with my wonderful bf. and i thought i could seek help from others like me. so here i am.
my name is stpehanie. im 19. and im dealing with depression. have been for years, and im at a loss at what to do. its ruining my relatioship with my bf of 3 years and i cant afford to lose him, and our beautiful daughter. growing up i didnt have people to talk to cause my dad was always working ans i had to stay home and take care of my grandpa from the time i was 11 till i left home. then my mom was out fuckin every black guy she could and disappearing for a week at a time doing coke. so i didnt
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Journal
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neglecting
June 13, 2009 12:42am
i know ive been neglecting this site for about a week now and that kinda makes me fall behind on what im supposed to be accomplishing. and it sucks. …
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some people
June 2, 2009 8:29pm
ugh some peapole man....my boss is a cunt face whore bag. shes barely even there 3 days out of the week and cant ever give us a solution to any …
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trust
June 1, 2009 10:47pm
for once i DIDNT see anything i didnt like and erased. and it made me feel good to see that. you may not know what im talkin about and thats ok. but …
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not freaking out =D
May 29, 2009 8:33pm
i still have trust issues with him considering some of our past. and every so often if i get the opportunity to look at what or who hes talkin to i …
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI am here to find the true me and not the one i've become. cause its not who i am. and i need to rebuild myself in order to rebuild my relationship with the person i love most.
Treatments
- Effexor Somewhat Helpful
- i wasnt on it long because i found out the month after i started i was pregnant with my daughter. but i noticed and alot of my co workers and family members noticed a difference in the small time i was on this medication.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- im trying not to let things get to me but some things still do and happy thoughts somehow are over ridden and things go downhill. but when i get that thought through my head and i stick with it it helps me to a certain degree depending on what is going on
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- ive been through counseling through so many things throughout my life and some things it helped. some it didnt. i tried partial couples counseling and it helped somewhat but never continued cause of money and transportation problems so i had to stop. then things turned in the oppostie direction.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- its hard to take help and support from people who dont understand what i feel or what im going through. their advice is great. and i sometimes follow what they suggest. but it just doesnt seem to be enough alot of the times. which is why im here
- Writing Working / Worked
- journaling helped me out. i used to write everyday for awhile and i used to have my boyfriend read it to help him understand what would go through my mind and understand my emotions and this rollercoaster i get drug on. but he didnt take that as an acceptable answer to what problems we had.
Close Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
i was shot when i was a few months over 15 and things kind of went on a spiral downwards since and has really begun to ruin my current relationship years later. and it has brought me into a semi deep depression and i no longer want to be like this.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- this was my passion in life during high school. but this stopped once i started working and moved out here to las vegas with my crack head mother.
- Effexor Somewhat Helpful
- it helped for the short time i was on it
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- at the time when i first went i completely shut down and closed myself off and kept to myself. i just kept telling myself that i could handle things on my own and deal with it myself. i thought i was strong enough for myself. but that turned out way wrong
- Reading Working / Worked
- i was a constant reader. it let me escape to wherever or into whoever and let me forget about things in my life. sometimes what id read would enlighten me about my situation.
- Talking Working / Worked
- talkin is THE hardest thing i can possible undergo. i have problems trustin people and am a very closed off person who keeps to themself. and it ruins relationships
