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GingerParker 
11:26pm, October 30, 2009
I am so tired of so many things. Things that drag me down like trying to make other people happy, and being condemned and bitched out for just about any kind of treatment that I try. I just want to go to sleep in a wonderful meadow and wake up in heaven. I'm not saying that I want to kill myself, but it sure would be nice to go to heaven. It is so hard to stay happy when people are constantly complaining about how I talk too much about my pain, or how I take too many pills, or how I talk too much about my doctors appointments. So I have decided that I am going to stop doing all of that, period. I will also stop taking my pills in front of people, unless I know that I can trust them. I am really depressed about this, and this is the last time anyone is going to tell me that I do any of those things again. I just wish that they would walk a mile in my shoes and see what it feels like to live in constant severe pain every single day, and to have people criticize every single treatment that you do. I have decided to withdraw from those who are tired of my pain, and just live within myself. I have done it before, and its lonely, but it will work. I would like to sleep good tonight, because I have slept so shitty for the last week or two that I am just flat out worn out. I would really like to have a break from having shitty days. God, please ease my pain, and make my problems like smoke and disappear. Make all those people who think that I have a problem forget about me, and forget about my issues. Just let me be for once.
Comments
I have this cat, that weighs like 12 pounds, and daily it likes to walk on me, and today, he walked all over my shins. I love my cat, he is my baby, but he does damage with his weight. I love this sight, because I can finally relate to people that understand what I am going through, without having to Prove myself. That and the fact that I can find myself in a world with people that are going through similar things as me. I feel welcome here, and I am so thankful.
Comments
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That is so true! This site was a God send to me! Pain free hugs! : ) Chila
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thank you. I think that God did help me find this place. I am feeling halfway decent today. I think that this is a great sight and I love the fact that you can really open up with the people and you can trust who you talk to. It is good to hear from you, so how are you doing?
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I checked in your photos thinking your kitty might be there. Maybe put a pillow over your legs and let him walk on the pillow. It's so good to have fuzzy pets to love, especially when we're sick. They add a another dimension to life that nothing else can.
Hugs to you!
Bisoux/Pam
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yeah, he is really hard to photograph, because he is solid black, so I will try to turn on all the lights in the front part of the house and photograph him, but I can not guarantee that you will see nothing but black. He is a heavy cat, but he is healthy not fat. Spoiled as the days is long though. He is mama's baby.
I love my family and friends, and they are all the support anyone can ask for. I am having hot flashes really bad, because of the fact that I had an epidural done. I guess it happens as a side affect, Its okay. I am very, very thankful for the injections. Dr. G is very, very good at what he does, and he made it okay. Anyways, I am lying under my wooby, that is the blanket that my great grandma made for my daddy, and it is very comforting. I took a nap and slept for like 5 hours. It was a lovely nap, and my back is feeling very nice for now. Thank you Dr's for all that you have done for me. That, and all that you will do for me in the future.
Past Entries
| June 2009 |
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Friday, 6/12
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Friday, 6/12
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Friday, 6/05
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Monday, 6/01
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May 2009 |
Saturday, 5/30
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Wednesday, 5/27
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Tuesday, 5/26
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Ginger,
I feel for you, and do understand. That's why our animals love us. My kitty, Frasier, used to get up right near my face and watch me do everything. He never questioned it. "Just human activity." My little Bisoux dog was the same. No judgments. Just love. That's why God gave us animals, I think.
Hang in there, you're not alone.
Hugs and love,
Bisoux/Pam
Bisoux
Thank you, I really needed to hear some loving support. I got my heart broken when my mother kindly informed me of those things that I am doing in error. I wish you lived nearby, so I could come visit you. You are definitely a child of God, and were put into my life so that I could survive and thrive. My cat makes me feel better the second I see him. He has been laying on me and next to me everyday, all day, since I started feeling down. He knows that I need the support. God does give us animals for comfort, for friendship, and for unconditional love. I feel love from you too. Thank you for loving me for me. You are helping me in ways that I know comes from God. It takes a true Christian to act in the manner that you are. Thank you for not making me prove myself to you and for just taking me as I am. I am not sure I would make it without you.
Love,
Ginger
GingerParker
omg ,first i had to go get a tissue to wipe away my tears because
kimberly56
sorry,not done push wrong botton.but i feel the same way at 43 yrs old i have ended some friend ships after 30 yrs of thinking you have friends and you learn who is true and understanding.so the hell with them they need to do the walk down pain lane and see how they feel.I have said to myself if i had a way to just put some of a pain on the people who think like the docter of that asshole nurse just for a day.they will call me and say that there sorry now they understand.Kim
kimberly56
Thank you for understanding. I hate being 28 and having the doctor strongly suggest that I give up working. I have major degenerative changes in my back, and I guess my vertebrae are being eaten away, and apparently it is happening rather fast, because I had no disc degeneration at all 3 years ago. But I guess I appear to be an "addict" because I talk about my pain, and I take my pills on time. My mistake, that is the last time I do that. In fact, I am going to start lying to people and tell them that I just take ibuprofen, Tylenol, and use Aspercreme. I'm cutting my strings and withdrawing, and these people are both family and friends that I have known for 16 years. I just can not trust people anymore. My heart is broken. You are so sweet, and I am glad that I wrote that journal entry, I needed to get it off my chest, and this is the only safe and neutral ground that I have. I wish they would understand, but it will never happen. I get bitched out for even getting cortisone injections into my back and my hand, so that I will need to take less medication. But whatever, maybe they will understand when my illnesses take my life. I honestly think that that is what it is going to take. Which is really sad.
GingerParker