cls1988's Journal

I dont know what I am doing anymore? Everything I seem to try for this anxiety is not working. It has a hold on me and I dont know why. I think I am going to lose my job. That is not good. My husband and I need both incomes to live on. If I lose my job I will have to find somewhere else to live. I dont know how I will do that. He dont make that much and I have the insurance with my job. They are not understanding at all. I work for law enforcement. They wont try to place me in another position so I can be able to work. What the hell am I going to do????? I am afraid I am going to be homeless and left with nothing. This really sucks. I have worked since I was 16 years old off and on because of my anxiety and always been able to make ends meet. Now because of the ecomnomy there are no jobs and I am going to lose everything. How low can a person feel? Is this what it feels like before you hit rock bottom? I just want to be better and cant seem to get better. I think even the doctors are tired of hearing from me. I just cant take this anymore. It hurst so bad!!!!! I now understand why people want to kill themselves. They feel like they have nothing else to live for. I am not at that point of wanting to kill myself  thank god but I sure do hate everything right now. When will it ever get better??????????????????????