shelbyton's Journal

I have not written a journal in some time. I have been very busy and stressed out with my class I am taking. I am also stressed out with all the things that need to be done around the house and for the kids. My husband works 7 days a week at 2 jobs, so at times I feel comepletely alone. Time is a big thing for me there never seems to be enough of it in a day. Being home alone with the kids 90% of the time makes me angry and stessed out. I know my husband works hard and we need the money from both jobs, but I still feel he has it easy. I am starting to resent him for the time away and the feelings I have that work is more important than the family. I get to the point where I become so overwhelmed I feel sick and cannot think rationally. Even though I have not gambled I do not want to become too complacent in my recovery which is something I tend to do. I just stop thinking about it or acting as if it never happened. I know I need to keep active in my recovery and journaling has been a way for me to think about it daily. I just don't know how I feel right now not good not bad just tired. I am in the state of mind where i just don't want to think about anthing. I know it is not enough to just stay away, I can say I have not gambled in 14 days but if I am not doing anything to change myself and my defects nothing is really changing or getting any better. I am mentally exhausted and do not have the energy to do anything right now. I will continue my journal and try to find a way to destress and relax. Today I will not gamble. Today I will be good to myself.