Sometimes I wonder
Sometimes i wonder where are u GodSometimes i wonder why?Sometimes i wonder if i have a purposeSometimes i wonder why …
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RiskLovingMe 
10:33pm Friday
Not doing well with the "Love Myself" goal. Not sure about anything else. Gone downhill quite a bit but am still hanging on. Still not cutting, still not using drugs, still not drinking. Keeping myself clean and busy beyond belief. Went to my mom's house, bought chinese food, cleaned my room up a little, and am about to go take another shower, wash and straighten my hair, and then relax a bit i guess. Still keeping my hands busy. I don't remember how long it's been since i last cut, so i will just be counting that in weeks, or months, i think, somehow. I wanna keep it up though. Last night was rough. Former abuser came to my house and somehow got me to go with he and his friends. The last thing i remember was them all drinking and getting high, and then the guy next to me pulled out what looked like a heroine needle, and that's where the memory abruptly stops. Trying not to dwell on that, but it's challenging at best. Doing all that i did during the day was helpful, along with talking to Pat and Emily. I hope that i can keep myself well enough to go forward in the "Love Myself" goal, but i won't make any promises. All i can do is my best, and i plan on giving it my absolute all. Psawyer1, i love you bunches. Stay strong for me. Daddysmonkey2, things for you are rougher than i can imagine right now, but i know it will get better, you just have to believe in yourself. And special thanks to them, as well as many more of you, that have been so helpful and supportive. I love you.
Everyone stay safe and well. You're all in my thoughts.
"Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that
[Chorus]
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]
[Chorus]
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
UPDATED GOALS
Quit Cutting
Progress 10%
Encouragements: 0
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I am so proud of you. You're doing great. No cutting, drinking, drugs, you ROCK! mmmmmwaH! Keep it up, you're doin' JUST FINE!!!! ;)
theGuardian
I know that song - one of my favorites. ^__^ I'm kind of scared about what you mentioned ab out the heroin thing, but I'm hoping you have the better judgement next time to not go along with anyone like that. I love ya, Bex. Sorry for being unreliable lately - I've been distant, and I haven't talked much again, but i promise to work harder in the future(for now, I'm just doing some of my own things).
PaperBagGirl