RiskLovingMe's Journal

For over 3 years, i've cut myself. It's been a long time since i could actually say that i was clean of it. I dont even really remember how to live without it. What i do instead, or what i do to fill the space that i used it for. I don't know, but i'm going to do it. Self destructive behavior isn't needed in my life, yet i've used it as though it were a necessity. It stops here and now. I'm done hurting myself. No matter what, i don't want that anymore. Even if the urges are killer, i will refrain. My mind is set, my words will be true. I am no longer going to let this monster known as self injury gobble be up and spit my out defeated. The more i think about the scars, the shame, and the act in itself, the more made up my mind is. How could i have done that to myself? I let it go so far. I let it swallow me. It WAS NOT my fault. I did not know the consequences of my actions, and i did not feel enough to regret that i did them. My first order of business: rid myself of the blades, and forbid myself to take out new ones. No more temptation, no more addiction. I'm a good person, i deserve more than what i am giving myself. I'm not a nasty, cruel, evil person. I DO GOOD THINGS! No matter what my reward be, if i even get one, i know what actions are good and which ones are not. I learn, i take everything in, i evaluate. Something i am proud of. I'm proud of myself, and the person that i am today. I am happy that i've lived like i have and made the mistakes that i have. I am grateful for my mistakes! I've made them now, and learned the hard way. But in any case, I have learned and will no longer have to face them later. My goal: Self Injury and Love. My goal: Will Be Achieved.