jenne061985's Journal

  i've finally lost the one friend who understood what i went through and what im still goign through,i don't know whether its my fault or it was all up to her or someone elses hand was in it but it hurts...alot. its just proves my theory you cant trust people or let them get close because no matter how much your stories are similiar they still wont except you.

   the last time i physically saw her she was a mess and should have been in the ER and i had been at her place 24 hours helping to  keep her away from knives and liquids she would use to hurt herself and she STILL hurt herself in the shower and then her and her boyfriend went around telling people i did nothing but sulk all night! not even caring how horrible i felt because i let my guard slip while she was showering. the last time we talked face to face she hugged me and said she loved me and she was sorry for what ever said the time before(she called me an attention whore while wasted on pills and draino in a suicide attempt)...the last time we talked online we were fighting and again we made nice.

  i love her like a sister and my heart bleeds whenever i find out shes in trouble or hurting, but maybe its better we're no longer friends.maybe i do trigger her like she has told me, maybe i DO stress her out, but i know i cant take her ups and downs and lashing out when she's stressed....i cant take my attemps to help and support being turned into something else and thrown back in my face. i love her and im crying because i lost her friendship and the sister i longed  to have in my life. i love her dearly but its time to let her go.