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jenne061985 
5:33pm, November 15, 2009
idk why but this song puts me at rest.......maybe because im always starting over and i've realized a long time ago to let go of things. i'm tired of moving,of never knowing if things will really be ok. im tired of not knowing who i am.
"Shadow Of The Day"
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
[Chorus]
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
[End Chorus]
In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
[Chorus]
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
[End Chorus]
i've finally lost the one friend who understood what i went through and what im still goign through,i don't know whether its my fault or it was all up to her or someone elses hand was in it but it hurts...alot. its just proves my theory you cant trust people or let them get close because no matter how much your stories are similiar they still wont except you.
the last time i physically saw her she was a mess and should have been in the ER and i had been at her place 24 hours helping to keep her away from knives and liquids she would use to hurt herself and she STILL hurt herself in the shower and then her and her boyfriend went around telling people i did nothing but sulk all night! not even caring how horrible i felt because i let my guard slip while she was showering. the last time we talked face to face she hugged me and said she loved me and she was sorry for what ever said the time before(she called me an attention whore while wasted on pills and draino in a suicide attempt)...the last time we talked online we were fighting and again we made nice.
i love her like a sister and my heart bleeds whenever i find out shes in trouble or hurting, but maybe its better we're no longer friends.maybe i do trigger her like she has told me, maybe i DO stress her out, but i know i cant take her ups and downs and lashing out when she's stressed....i cant take my attemps to help and support being turned into something else and thrown back in my face. i love her and im crying because i lost her friendship and the sister i longed to have in my life. i love her dearly but its time to let her go.
Comments
A lot of people are telling me to forgive the people who abused me yeah.....NO!!!
I was played with, physically and emotionally, by a man who used to teach others how to follow god and use to stand at the pulpit would preach about being holy and recieving jesus!!the person i was closest to used me in ways you wouldnt use the cheapest dirtiest crack whore, and the woman i used to want to be like knew it all and let it happen so it didnt have to happen to her and punished me for it. to top it off another man of god who i was close to and looked up goes around saying im a liar and an attention seeker when he promised to help me!
SO PLEASE explain this concept of forgiveness when really i don't think anyone of these people deserve it,they all tried to preach it but then did things that should never be forgiven!!!!!!!!!
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE!!
Comments
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Well I don't know how to forgive the person who abused me and I know I will NEVER forget what he did to me for 5 years. He was not a man of God but I am but I still CAN'T Forgive HIM it's not my job to thats Gods Job. These men that did this to you are no better then my abuser why do you think you need to forgive them I don't know if thats the way I should be looking at this but I'm sorry these type of people if you can call them people do nothing but HURT Young KIDS for ever and get away with it. They need to go to Jail for a LONG time but sometimes I even think Jail is to good for them. So when You say I will Never Forgive DON'T FEEL BAD AND DON'T THINK YOUR WRONG YOUR NOT!! I have tryed to forgive my abuser but I just CAN'T and I hope He Go's to Hell for what He has Done to so Many Little Boys. Sorry for Venting I just want you to know Your not wrong for not Forgiving. Dan
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I am so sorry that this happened to you but keep in mind this man may have called himself a man of God, but he was not a man of God. A true man of God would not do these ungodly acts. According to the Bible God hates what was done to you. Unfortunately we tend to get angry at God when a person claiming to be a Christian hurts us. it is not God's fault that man makes stupid decisions. I am a Christian and I am appalled that someone would bring reproach to the name of Christ by using God's name to hurt a child. I am appalled that anyone would hurt a child period.Forgiveness of these people will not be easy, but do yo know that unforgiveness actually hurts you more then it hurts them. It can actually lead to heart disease and cancer due to the toxic chemicals it releases in the body. They may not know or care that you are angry at them, you are the one who lives with the anger not them. I understand this is very very difficult and you may even feel you have a right to not forgive them but in the long run you suffer because of it. I know what I am talking about, it was my father that sexually abused me and the church didn't believe us or our mom. I often thought of ways to kill my dad until I realized what it was doing to me. I blamed God at first but you know what? He didn't hurt me my dad did. God is the one who healed me and made me whole. I forgive my dad and even pray that God heals his sick demented fetish for children. I can honestly say that I would never want him to go to hell now, he needs help. You can overcome this hon, don't feel hopeless.
Past Entries
| July 2009 |
Tuesday, 7/07
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Friday, 7/03
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Thursday, 7/02
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June 2009 |
Tuesday, 6/30
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Sunday, 6/28
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Wednesday, 6/10
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Sunday, 6/07
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Saturday, 6/06
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May 2009 |
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Tuesday, 5/26
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Goal Updated
Yes, sometimes you have to say goodbye to someone close, when keeping that person close to you means you end up hurting worse. Separation is probably for the best for both of you. HUgs
mianutzy