Optim's Journal

Well it’s done!!! Had the surgery and wasn’t that bad.  I have to admit I was more terrified about not waking up than anything else! Have to be honest and tell that getting the nose packing stuff out is not something I would like to relive every week…

Two days after the surgery, I had no headaches, was waking around everywhere at the hospital and couldn’t wait to get back home. I was in fact quite surprised as to our capacity to bounce back from such a surgery. Since I’m back home however, I’ve had to deal with throat pain (thyroid reaction? sequels from intubation?) fatigue and shortness of breath but I guess these symptoms will be temporary.  

So now I graduate to the list of members waiting to hear the word CURED in 2-3 months.  I am optimistic but at the same time reading all your stories has made me realize that this disease is very sneaky.

As I am about to celebrate my 50th birthday, I have mixed feelings.  I am relieved that the surgery is over with and thank god I’m still alive.  I’m also mad because three months ago I didn’t even know what acromegaly was. I was just going about my life, my career and enjoying my family without a worry in the world.  Now I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror and have constant reminders of the fact that a disease is present each time I see my hands, my feet and my face.  I know better than focussing on appearance. I’ve come to grips, like many of us reaching this stage of life, of the necessity of accepting getting older, seeing a wrinkle appear, taking on some weight etc. But what I find unfair is that I will never know who I was supposed to be at 50. The person in the mirror is simply not me, this is not my planned pathway and I wish I could write a letter to someone to get back my guarantee. I don’t care about the wrinkles or the weight but I care about being able to have a sense of identity.

While writing this I also feel so superficial to complain about it… I keep telling myself that I am lucky  - others have to struggle with major symptoms and some are told they have cancer or some terminal disease. So guess I have no right to complain, should be grateful I was diagnosed and hopefully the hormone levels will be down at post-op checkup.

By the way this is a great support site, filled up with wonderful people. I am grateful to have found you guys.  And yes let’s hear it for all the Fionas!