OneLastStand's Journal

Robyn Sawatski,

I helped someone today. Never even thought that I would when I woke up this morning, but it happened.

There was one of my good work pals all depressed about a girl that left him 7 months ago.

He was talking about suicide, and ending it all because in his mind, he was too old for girls to be attracted to him anymore.

Funny thing he's the best at talking to women, knows all the right things to say, yet never takes a chance. Always afraid.

So I helped... There is this really cute girl who just started working where I work.

Him and her were talking quite candidly but he was pretty sure he never had a chance with her...

Anyway... she absolutely hates me for some reason Im not sure of, but i went to talk to her to see what she thought of my pal.

Needless to say, He's all smiles now cause they have a date. lol.

Did my small good deed for the day.

Yesterday I donated a dollar to the sick kids... too bad theres not more one of little means can do for them... Its a wonder if they even get to see benefits from donations... I hope they do...

-depression-

I read one of your texts... from two weeks before you broke up with me... Its funny i had my walls up again, to feeling anything for you, and the moment I read it, they all came tumbling down. It was the text that had that really beautiful picture at the top, and in it you were going on about how sorry you were for "making the mistake" you had previously made and were asking me to help you not be afraid of the future. Also that you'd always love me and never leave.. I thought it was just crazy that in two weeks time we had come back to that tragedy(on my end) again... This time the end for good.. Too many tears have been shed my dear, indeed too much blood now..

I hate the feeling of physically becoming weaker inside.. mentally as well but... just noticing the subtle differences in strength from day to day, in conjunction with "let outs"...  Stupid... I said I'd stop if you at least would talk to me.. but you didnt.. you disappeared. Running away huh? A problem you create is too much to deal with so you run...

One of your own self musings comes back with a vengeance.. Go figure...

But come now... I am being cynical.

The world is a terrible place. It is up to us to make it a better one.

 So I will... like with my pal today... if I can make their lives better.. 

Well it doesn't matter if mine is shit. I am fulfilling a purpose. No?