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brotherroy 
9:07pm, November 11, 2009
While struggling with depression yesterday, which has gotten better today, I heard from more than one friend this saying, “Fake it until you make it”. I contemplated these words and it reminded me of my past life in addiction. So many times I faked being well, not sharing what was really going on with me and as a result I stayed “out there” longer than necessary until I cried out and received the help I needed. However, my crying out received assistance where even a friend stopped by and drove me to a park and there we sat until a gleam of light entered into my soul. No, I can’t fake not feeling pain. People expect me to be real for this is what Jesus taught, being real. There was no faking in His presentations or as they drove the nails through his feet and hands.
There was no faking as I pulled out my money and counted the $20’s as I used to do when I contemplated using again. I was not faking as I thought about what it would feel like to have my pain dismissed even for just a moment, but I remembered the pain multiplied by ten when the drug usage was over. I remembered people are expecting to hear me make presentations this weekend and would appreciate a “true” man speaking with them, not a pretender because they want help, too. No, I’m not going to fake anything but allow my pain to be exclaimed because it keeps me humble.
Years ago, I remembered what I felt when I got home and prepared my crackpipe and could not wait until I got the drug onto the pipe and later found I had spent good money on “fake” drugs! And sometimes it was all I had, no more money. Today, there’s nothing fake about me as I desire to give truth to those who are still caught “out there”. I cannot tell them to “Fake it until you make it”, but be “honest with yourself and with others” because this is what we truly desire from those we come into contact with: honesty and truthfulness. There is nothing real about being a fake and faking can never be considered as being for “real”.
Either you are or you aren’t!
There’s not much more truth than this.
Comments
I have to agree, I have found freedom in being real and expressing exactly what I am going through and my own past with addictions, and now with addicts, some people do not like it and think of me differently once they know, but that climb has made me stronger so in a way I am proud of it and very open about my emotions now. Although I would probably still not tell my friend her butt looked big in her jeans even if they did, : ) but that's just me
lennea306
Thanks for that! That's another issue I have to work on, not being as tactful as I could about others' butts or whatever. I used to have a sign in my office which said, "Tact: The ability to tell a man to go to hell and make him feel happy to be on his way!
brotherroy
What strength and wisdom you have! Yes be real...be true to yourself and remember to love even the low times in life. I have found that in those low times, real friends and real love become so much more evident. And it is then that our hearts can be so much more open to accepting and feeling that! God Bless!
thankfulness
Perhaps I was allowed to experience this so that others can learn this "slogan" is really not healthy or effective in accomplishing what really needs to be...
brotherroy
I agree with these entries. Your feelings are a gift from God they signal inner needs. Ignoring these God given messages is what causes so many long term problems. Hugs
SullsMum
Thanks. I believe I write what is given me and not of my own opinion...
brotherroy