OnTheHoriz0n 
10:41am, May 20, 2009
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About Me
OnTheHoriz0n
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Close HIV
I was diagnosed in January 2008 while in a psychiatric ward. I have had little support and help ever since my partner and I broke up. I did not tell anyone else for a year about my status. A majority of my friends still do not know about me. I am rather healthy from the disease, but my mind is very weak. Mentally, I seem to do worse and have been working with psychs and shrinks even before I was diagnosed. I guess I am here to share empathy with people and not feel so different from everyone.
Treatments
- Combivir Too Soon to Tell
- I took this medication with Sustiva before I was positive. It is a complete mental trip. You will deal with very strange hallucinations like a dream dice is going through your head. You will have no sense of coordination and balance. It will leave you with a drugged up feeling.
- Norvir Working / Worked
- I take this along with Norvir and Truvada. My VL is undetectable, and my CD4 has improved. It definitely works, but I am not into cocktails. I believe this is the medicine that is making me tired. It seems to make me wake up in the middle of the night with extreme thirst. I feel like I am dehydrated at least once a week. It may be making my eyes yellow, and my stomach is upset every other day. I am taking Atripla soon to see what is better.
- Reyataz Working / Worked
- I take this along with Norvir and Truvada. My VL is undetectable, and my CD4 has improved. It definitely works, but I am not into cocktails. When I first started, I had muscle and joint pain. My arms and legs felt like cement. My stomach is upset every other day. People noticed that my eyes were yellow and cloudy. It is difficult to have even one drink on this cocktail. Concentrating during the first few days is an uphill battle. It has probably added to my depression. I am trying Atripla.
- Sustiva Working / Worked
- I took this medication with Combivir before I was positive. It will make you extremely dizzy and play a lot of mind games on you. You will feel like you got no sleep and be very freaked out by your dreams.
- Talking Working / Worked
- It definitely does work, but I need to make this more of a habit for me. There are a lot more people that I need to stop hiding from and to reveal my status. People do not seem to be strong enough or connected enough to me to be told. Right now, all I can deal with is immunodeficiency and psych doctors.
- Truvada Working / Worked
- I take this along with Norvir and Reyataz. My VL is undetectable, and my CD4 has improved. It definitely works, but I am not into cocktails. I feel a little itchy from it and have severe dandruff and scalp issues. Stomach is upset every other day. It is a struggle to concentrate the first week or so. Every other week, I have period of brain zaps and in mental pain while I try to go to sleep. I am switching to Atripla to see what is better.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI have suffered from depression since my early 20s. There are so many ways I try to deal with it, but it seems to worsen as I get older. I feel like I will always be medicated, even though I wish I was not. I made a suicide attempt in recent history and am now only trusted with certain medications now. Hopefully, I can find a good mix and can live happily ever after soon.
Treatments
- Celexa Working / Worked
- This used to work wonders for me. I would be on it for 3 or 4 months and feel so much stronger. You would get dry mouth and a little nauseated, but it goes away in a few days. I go in between 20 and 40 mg for the dosage. However, 40 mg has not been enough for me lately. I am getting immune to it. It has not stopped me from hibernating on the weekends, feeling in a fog, or unable to get out of bed in the mornings. I may return to Celexa and go to 60 mg if Effexor doesn't work.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- I would recommend "The Feel Good Handbook" by Dr. David Burns. It is a really good guide to dealing with depression and anxiety. Some of the stuff is really silly and repititive to do. It does help if you just keep trying.
- Effexor Too Soon to Tell
- My psych started me on 25 mg and increased my dosage to 75 mg. I am on a one month trial to see how it works. Right now, I feel a little foggy in the head and my eyes feel heavy. My anxiety has increased and makes me deal with Restless Leg Syndrome. I feel optimistic about effexor, because it is a dual acting SNRI (I believe). SSRIs just aren't doing it for me.
- Lexapro Considering
- My dad is taking this medication. He gave me a 2 week trial pack that I may try if nothing else works.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Positive thoughts always seem to push me towards the right direction. I just have to be careful of getting my heads in the cloud and being unrealistic. Sometimes, I can be supportive towards everyone except myself. It can be hard for me to take my own advice and fix my attitude.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I feel really good after going to a therapy session. The feeling lasts a few hours or so before it goes away. There are some good techniques you get out of the session. Be sure to get a printout of what to do between sessions, or else you won't be as motivated to do it.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- It generally helps to talk to somebody when you are down. I seem to come out of it half the time when I do this. Or, it takes my mind completely off of things. It usually helps more than hurts to do this.
- Writing Working / Worked
- Writing kept me so grounded for quite a while. Sometimes, it can bring out negatitivy when you want to vent. Otherwise, you come to a better understanding of yourself and express yourself better when you write.
Open Anxiety
Anxiety has been a major issue for me since my teenage years. I am a big user of the restless leg syndrome. My thoughts would race and always feel panicky. It is easy to wind me up and become scatterbrained. I sometimes stutter and slur my words if I get too nervous and have difficulty expressing myself. In my mid 20s, my anxiety has been very minimal. My depression has become more severe and made my anxiety very secondary.
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- This medication works like a charm. It is so fast-acting that you won't know what hit you. I was given a supply of it after I overdosed on Xanax. However, Ativan is more difficult to OD on, so don't get any ideas. It has a much shorter half life than Xanax and not as addictive. I didn't go through any withdrawals with this drug. I would love to get some more of this if my anxiety becomes more severe.
- Breathing Exercises Somewhat Helpful
- My therapist taught me some breathing techniques. It gets the seratonin and other neurotransmitters to flow through your nervous system. It isn't the best way to calm down, but it will get your mind off of things. Put your hands behind your back and breathe very slow, in and out. If you do it a few times, you should feel more balanced.
- Breathwork Somewhat Helpful
- How is this different from breathing techniques???
- BuSpar Not Working
- This is the least effective drug ever made. Everyone that I have talked to has not had anything good to say about it. My psych talked me into taking this drug, because of my OD history. Buspar is very hard to overdose on. There are no symptoms on this drug. I didn't feel psychologically different at all on Buspar. I took it for 6 months at 60 mg, 2 pills twice a day. I kept taking only 30 mg, and nothing did not happen. Buspar supposedly builds up in your system over time. It does not.
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- A friend of mine has given me some of these pills. It is rather helpful. My friend is taking it for a seizure disorder. However, I know a lot of people who do it for anxiety. It acts pretty fast and is good for sleeping.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- I already wrote about this for the Depression support group. Please see that instead.
- Remeron Not Working
- Why is this underneath the anxiety category? No one with anxiety should be prescribed this. I took this for major depression after my hospital visit. It was not beneficial at all for anxiety or depression. I believe I started at 15 mg and went up to 45 mg. I felt so sedated and zombified on the maximum dosage. I could not function on 9 or 10 hours of sleep and just laid in bed. You spend more of your day in a trance than not in a trance. It does nothing for your mental capacity.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- Xanax was one of my best friends and my worst enemy. I ended up ODing on this and almost died. My psych originally told me to take 6 or 7 .5 mg tablets a day. I became a zombie and numb and felt worse because I drank a lot. I was cut down to 1 or 2 tablets a day and given an antidepressant. Withdrawing and sleeping with this drug can be scary when you go to sleep with the bad dreams. Definitely works to cut down on panic and for a sleeping aid.
