rayne9's Journal

Kris came over Kathy's, didn't stay long but it was the best time I've had with him in so long.  For about an hr we TALKED!  We held hands, I made him, and told him how much we needed each other.  I think I penetrated that wall a little.  He actually teared up, it was very moving.  I'm sure however, with the distance between us, that the wall will be back soon. If only I could be there to make him remember what a sensitive and caring person he is.  It took the Marines no time to brainwash him and it will take yrs to get him back.

I felt so so bad yesterday, didn't know how I was going to make the trip home.  I wanted to go to the beach but knew I couldn't do that and drive back.  I asked Kathy if we could stay one more night, thankfully she said okay.  We didn't get to the beach until 2:00 but it was SO worth it!  We were the ONLYones there!  I told Pat that we "owned" the beach!  The water was awesome, 82 degress and rough for the bay so we had waves to ride! The salt water and sun help me so much!  Jeez, I miss it.  We stayed to watch the sun set and had the most wonderful time.

I felt SO much better today.  We left to come home at 10:00.  We said our goodbye's last night, that made it a little easier to leave.  We'll we're back, same old crap.  The house is disgusting, my plants dead, poor animals neglected, welcome home.

Mike told me that his company is opening up new stores at the beach.  That's good and bad news.  I want to go back so badly but since most of the money is gone we would have to live in a neighborhood not even close to what we had.  I guess I'll take what I can get.  The area we lived was like it's own little city, very clickish.  I saw several of my old neighbors while there and it was if I still lived there.  Moving to a different part of the city will be like moving to a different country, again.  The homes are off the charts there, so expensive.  I'm not worrying about any of it anymore, I've put it all in God's hands.