rayne9's Journal

Here we are and Pat has those sores in his mouth again!  It's too late to go to the beach we'd never find a park.  Everyone is going to a drinking party for for the fireworks, a party we weren't invited to, kathy is in NJ, Kris is in Elizabeth City with his girlfriend, but will be back tomorrow.  So, I have no clue for what to do on this 4th of July in Va. Beach!

The other nite, Brian had Patrick throw a sock at Dan, Kathy's oldest son and Kris' roomate.  Dan called Pat a "little fucker" and pushed him.  This upset me terribly, so I told Mike (Dan's dad, Kathy's husband) and have completely rocked the boat AGAIN!  Kris is like EVERYTIME you are around something happens!  It seems as if everything has turned and I should have never told Mike what Dan did  It was inconcievable to me that a 25 yr old would call a 10 yr old that and then push him!  I'm being persecuted because I stood up for Pat in telling Mike.  OMG!

I'm sure Dan thinks I'm a jerk, Dan is kathy's favorite son, so she's probably mad and so on...Jeez, I felt like I needed to say something, I mean Pat is just a little kid and I AM his mother and not going to tolerate ANYONE speaking to my son like that.  Oh no though, now I've gone and rocked the boat!  There's ALWAYS issues when I come around.

I did the right thing in speaking up, protecting my son, didn't I?  My mind is just whirling, should I have NOT said anything?  Am I bring all this bad Karma with me everywhere I go?  It just CANNOT be everyone out there that's fucked up, maybe it's ME!  I am questioning myself, my character,values, WHO I AM!  Why is there a problem everytime I'm around people, it can't just be all of them.  Is something WRONG with me that I don't see or get?  You know all I try to do is be honest, a good person. Am I expecting too much from people? I can't believe that it's everybody out there out there so now I'm wondering who I am, not fitting in anywhere so I'm thinking that there's something wrong with me.  If this is true then

obviously I'm not who I thought I was.  Having a serious character questioning of myself now, major identity crisis.  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?  Am I expecting too much from people?  Was it wrong to say anything?  MAN oh MAN!