rayne9's Journal

Oh my goodness, I am so excited that i feel like a kid on Christmas morning!  I am having NO pain despite all I had to do!  Just cannot wait to hit the water, which I might add is 82 degrees!  Just hope there's not too many jellies.  I've decided, since we ride right by our old beach, that we're going to stop and play before we even get to Kathy's.  I'm so happy, I'm so happy , I'm so happy!  Can't believe that I am THIS homesick!  I think actually SAYING it outloud, admitting to everyone how much I hate it here, has a lot to do with it.  Before, I would say things, like it's going to be okay, i's beautiful here, etc.  But after what my aunt did to me, that was the last "thread" of any hope of happiness here.  I've "come clean" to myself, that it just plain sucks here!  No more lying to myself about it, that in itself has given me a sense of relief I hadn't expected.

Now though is I NEED to go back there to live, ultimately.  Do not have a clue how, but at least there's something to look forward to.  Yeah, well being away from Mike will be a big plus, my brain can rest from the endless headgames, even though he'll call my cell a billion times before the trip is over.  Ooooooh, the excitement!  Finding my beach stuff, trying on my bathing suits, there's 1 good thing about my weight loss, I fit in them all now!  Looking pretty anorexic in comparison though, but this is the weight I've always been.  I don't have an eating disorder or anything like that, my entire family is skinny.  It's been an endless battle to gain weight.  I know people laugh when I say that but truthfully, it is just as hard to gain as it is for some people to loose.  High metabolisms.  So much name calling when I was a girl, skinny minnie, bones, stick just to name a few.  When I gained and weighed 126, I was medium sized, that was SO awesome.  Oh well back to bones now. No matter, at least my old suits still fit, although they may be a bit outdated, lol!

I take my pc, so I'll still be in touch.

I wished that EVERYONE here could feel just a little of the happiness that I'm experiencing right now!

Have a GREAT day, friends!