rayne9's Journal

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to all my friends here.  I just to say that I'm sorry.  It seems that all I ever talk about is ME ME ME without much concern on how you guys are.  I care very much, just not showing it very well.  My health problems developed practically over night, as a lot of yours did,  I'm still reeling from it all.  Most of us have lost our old lives and it hurts so much.  I mean really, 2 yrs ago I never even THOUGHT of being in a support group!  Here I am just whinning when so many others have it so much worse than I.  I am sorry.  I will be more sensitive.  You guys are the only ones that will listen to me, everyone else just blows me off, so I do not want to loose my friends here.

There must be something wrong with me, or how CAN my entire family suddenly act as if I don;t exist.  Do I unintentionally hury their feelings or WHAT?  Sat and Sund my bro had his grandkids over and i tried so hard to be ALLOWED to visit, mainly for Patrick's sake.  Well that's one sure way for me to add more space between us as they still have not called me back!  Guess the visit is out, lol.  Then on Facebook, my cousin who's not TOO far, was in my friends, so I sent him a message just saying hi.  He replied with a thank you and all is well, etc and that he wasn;t going back to work until Aug.  So I sent him a note saying we should get together, no reply.  That a sure way to get them further away, so I sent another note, saying in case he didn't get the last one and said we should get togther.  No reply.  I pretend it doesn't hurt, but it hurts very much.

I feel so bad today, loads of pain and sadness.

I hope you all are good, haven't been able to check.