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BeccBecc 
1:31pm Thursday
My scale tricked me this morning. It said 146 but at the last second switched to 148.6....grrr.
UPDATED GOALS
Comments
Crappy weight loss.
UPDATED GOALS
I know this is the complete opposite of what I was saying perviously.
Anyway. I want to go back to my old self. I want to go back 2 years. I want to be at the low weight. I want to be painfully skinny again. I want to look the way I feel. Right now people are saying how good I look, how good I'm doing. Thanks for that. I'M NOT OKAY!!! I am still obsessed with calories, weighing myself, blah blah blah. I go to bed EVERY night thinking "I won't eat tomorrow" but because of my bulimic tendencies I eat too much. And every night I'm distraught about it but I still think that I won't eat the following day. I nearly break down when I get dressed. I have a pile of size 1 and 3 pants that I swear I will fit into again. I just desperately wish I was back 2 years ago. I want to be underweight again. I want it SO bad. I know it's wrong but maybe people would understand me better if I looked awful. Gosh, I go around campus and there are all these skinny people and I just wish I was one of them. It doesn't help that one of my professors is a size 2.
I sound pathetic I'm sorry but it's just like...I don't know. That's how I feel.
Comments
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I know exactly how you feel. Right now im a size 3 and I have my size 0 pants hanging up in my closet. I havent fit into a size 0 in a year. :( I really want to fit in them. I convince myself i wont eat the next day and I have my book counting all my calories
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I know how you feel, too. :( But were you happy when you wore those size 1 pants? Did you feel skinny then, or did you obsess? This is such a change from what you've been saying; did something happen to make you start feeling this way? If you can identify that and work through it, that may help. Also ... you have to let yourself eat! Not eating will only set you up for the bingeing.
Past Entries
| June 2009 |
Monday, 6/29
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Sunday, 6/28
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Saturday, 6/27
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Friday, 6/26
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Thursday, 6/25
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Wednesday, 6/24
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Tuesday, 6/23
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Wednesday, 6/17
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Thursday, 6/11
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May 2009 |
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Tuesday, 5/19
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Goal Updated
Ok, you have an evil scale. But you want to weigh 103? Really? That is soooo skinny. You won't even be able to buy clothes b/c the 0's will be too big on you. I can totally relate to wanting to be thin and how that mindset of "F everything else, I want to be skinny" can set it. Exams during school always triggered me to starve myself for some reason. It's like I needed to feel strong and in control to get through the exams; is that what you're feeling?
When I get in the "must be really skinny" mindset, I tell myself that if I go any lower, I'll just have to eat a ton to gain it back and that will really, really suck. It actually helps me fight it.
Hugs, Ali
AliKitten
...Your goal weight is my lowest weight. I was scary skinny at that weight, and I think (pretty sure you said your height and it was like, 3 inches over mine) you're taller than I am, so imagine how dangerous that'll be for you. Don't do this to yourself. You are beautiful the way you are.
GiselleSylphide