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EddieCarey 
7:26am, July 19, 2009
Sorry I have not been around much for the last month or so. Life has been very trying. Started to realize that I am really depressed sleeping over 18 hours a day. Sometimes hurt too much to get up or find myself saying what's the use in even moving and go back to sleep.
I have been totally alone the last week, my son went on vacation with his mom. I thought it would be nice having time to myself. Completely alone except for my little dog, I find myself talking to her alot and she just has the look she wishes she could answer, she can tell I am depressed our pets can just tell, they know use very well.
I need to lie down again, maybe things will look better later, I just feel bad about and with everything right now, an so damn lonely.
Comments
I have not been around, I've been mostly sleeping 20 hrs a day sometimes just can;t get up from pain or just don't want to just lay there staring at the seiling.
The ex went on vacation and my son went also, I wished him a good time. My ex in kindness asked me if I would like to go to. Of course I said no, no need for someone depressed as much as myself to be around people that want to have a good time. I also think she is worried about my state of mind. I can see why I'm alittle worried too.
It's getting hard to cope everyday it's not getting better. Even tho my meds have been doubled the pain still bleeds thru and the muscle spasms are unbareable. I think I had a seizure yesterday not sure if I just passed out but I woke up with my little dog on my chest licking my face. I have had them before but others were around to see what happened.
I need to go now I don't feel well and need to rest. I wish I could feel better, I wish I was someone else. I wish but wishes never come true they just make you wish for more.
Strange I don't have much to say, maybe I'm running out of things I want to say
Comments
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When I was upset you said some lovely words they made me smile they meant so much to me you took away my pain that was in my heart.I wish there was something I could say could do.All I can offer again is a virtual touch of your arm but its good you are writing in your journal I dont hardly know anything about you but your path has crossed mine you told me a recipie someone I asked didnt bother to answer you were in pain but you did this.Eddie dont run out of things to say tell me who you even if its a little something JJ
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If I've helped, you just saying so is reward enough. Something about me you ask. Some people that know me say that my life has been full of excitement and risktaking for adventure and duty. I really don't think so, I just feel that they are a collection of scars some I am proud to share a few haunt me in waking or asleep. Sometimes I flench when memory surfaces, my ex use to ask me why I do these things and cry out in my sleep.... karma. It can be life changing in more ways that you would expect, or so I've found. History that has alot of depth one can find themself alone and not by choice drowning in it. I haft to sleep now and wish me no dreams.
i want to write about the dream that keep waking me, i woke up and was trying to keep from throwing up thinking about it toooo tired i try to write about it tomarrow i sure it wll be there tooo
Past Entries
I'm up instead of sleeping and going over my profile and your post caught my eye. I can identify with the sleeping, depression, and back pain. I am laying on an icepack next to my sweet puppy on my couch in the den and wallowing in self-pity from hopelessness and loneliness. Can't seem to take that first step out of the house. Children and pets, the perfect antecdote to put a spark back when the flame is fading. Keep writing. You are helping others.
gracegirl2