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whodimagine 
Not such a good day. It has been raining everyday and overcast for so many days and is muddy everywhere. Have a large order and I have been trying to keep upbeat but with the generator acting up today it sent me over the edge. I just feel like I can't take it anymore and that my putting off returning to the doc for meds is a concern now. I seem to be spiraling downward further into depression in spite of my attempts to brake or offset it is like my brain is determined to descend into a pit of depression. Along with regret for everything... and then some guilt for things I ought not, boredom powerlessness oh and unbelievably still waiting for this law suit to be done. I do not get it I used to be able to pull myself up by my boot straps or throw more "{work out", at things or my mood and now I just feel exausted and pessimistic," why bother".
All this is even more depressing because at least I used to have vigor for life or some get up and go and now just blah.
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today was better because the sun was out. what a relief, but I felt really badly anxiety and so i took the day off. Layed in the sun,took a bath and even did some yoga that helped finnally relieve some of the anxiety. Running and walking the dog earlier did not even relieve and I had the chest pain level really intense. Has been a long time since I was in this kind of state. I have a pretty could idea of the triggers and why could have happened. I finnally made the doctor appointment but it is a 2 week wait now. whew! whodi
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