cjdevries's Journal

         I've been feeling better the last few days, and I'm still doing a lot of research and using several different treatment methods to deal with my CFIDS/ME symptoms.  I have recently started EMDR and Neurofeedback, and I'm liking both of these so far!  Acupuncture has also helped quite a bit over the last few months.  I have been getting in touch with as many friends as possible and they are all giving me their best and wishing for my recovery and improvement.  This has helped a lot.  I still feel very lonely and isolated, mostly because of how sick I feel every day and because I have lost so much of my former life (for the time being).

       It is extremely difficult to lose what you see as your "life" (i.e. hobbies, friends, work, health) in the span of a few days...this last 15 months has been terrifying in so many ways, however I am still thankful for so many things.  I am moving forward cautiously, knowing that this illness can be mysterious and confusing; and also knowing that people do make full recoveries although it is hard to believe sometimes!!  I am learning to function well within my limits right now, though it is not easy.  My mind wants "normal" life back: health, social life, college, pro golf, songwriting.  As of right now, life is: sleep, eat, doc appts, eat, sleep, rest, research CFIDS.  And how the days are rolling by!        

      However, I am focused on what I have in front of me and I can confidently say that I am more positive than I have been in a long time.  I have made progress, and it has not been easy; it really has taken a conceded effort on my part!  There come points of time in life when words do not accurately convey an emotion or experience, and I am at one of those points.  I am both excited and scared for the coming days and months.  All I can do is surround myself with love, hope for the best, and learn how to cope with what i have in front of me.