ItsMyDream2's Journal

so today has been 156 days since I last SI, and its been a long time since I've just had the urge to do it, but today more than ever Ive been struck with almost a feeling of need and panic, as though I HAD to do it.  I know this is because this is my dad's first b-day since he passed in July, and I know it has a lot to do w/my eating disorder as well.  I think it's just thought now more than ever I'm actually feeling things and i feel like its wrong to be that way, and I feel like I have no one to talk to and I dont' know what to do or how to handle them so I release/hide/ignore them by SI-ing.  I'm not gunna lie the feeling of need to do it is still siting strongly in my head, but I'm trying hard to ignore it atm.  I was hoping that by seeing how long its been I'd be inspired, so let's hope it works.