Jaelin's Journal

I hate feeling anxious all the time, scared...  This isnt me. I remember who I used to be, happy, sexy, carefree, caring, loving, confident, quirky and even sometimes nerdy. I used to smile. What happened to me? I stopped caring about myself somewhere along the way in this journey. I cared too much for someone else and let that dictate my life. Still my life revolves around him. Im afraid to ask things of him, afraid of his reaction, afraid i will drive him away. Even the slightest responsibility Im afraid to ask him to do, afraid he wont want to take it and say Im bitching cuz I need something from him, and Im tired of doing everything all by myself. Im lonely. I have friends who care, but somehow its always his response his attention that I want more. I want to feel loved. I want to cuddle, to be made love to, to feel worthy again. All of those things excpt the feeling worthy about I should get from him, the feeling worthy about I need to find within myself. Im afraid today, but Im doing ok.. Had an anxiety attack earlier but have calmed down, hopefully I will feel better later as well.