Journal

I still do the same things you describe, and feel a lot of the same feelings. Know you are not alone, and being angry is OK, just don't hold on to the anger. I pray for peace in your heart. I always feel better if I just go ahead and cry, it releases the bad things, and find forgiveness, of myself and Jacob.

I go to the cemetary often and I know what you mean about not knowing if you feel better or worse after being there. But try to remember the good times with her, like the hand gestures at bed time and other good memories. When my son's death is pulling at my heart, I just try to turn it and think about the fun times we had. But it is ok to feel sad or angry. It's better to get it out and not hold your feelings in. I pray for some peace for you. Hugs, Kim

I talk to my son, Michael, a lot. He was cremated and his ashes are right next to me in my bed every night. Weird, I know. But I don't talk to him at night. I usually talk to him when I go outside at work and look into the sky. Yelling is okay. Screaming is okay. Guilt, "silly hand gestures", the feeling of fleeing certain situations are all normal. Everything you are going to go through is normal. We are here for you. You are not alone. Love, Belinda

Vicki, what every one has said must be normal because ,there is not a day goes by that I don't ask Fred why he had to leave me so soon, and he wanted to be creamated and brought home with me so he is here on our King Size head board, and yes I tell him every day I love him , I'll never stop loving him, its been 4 months and I wake up every day looking at the empty hospital bed he had to sleep in, and I don't have the heart to let it go,I always think their could have been something else done to keep him here just a little longer. What hurts also is he didn't want to leave me and how much he loved me , I think about that and it makes me feel good but sad also . Don't blame your self about yourdaughter.we have nothing to do when God calls, he Already has things pland out and for what reason ,maybe we'll find out some day.Fred was really good with working in the yard , now I've been 2 days in the yard working , I have the back to finish, I'm so tired but still proud I wish he could see that I've done it all by my self, I know this may sound silly but by him being creamated and here with me I feel like a part of him is with me, I didnt think I'd make it this far I wanted to go with him and after it was all over and I was home a lone when I went to sleep and wake up I would take another sleeping pilli didnt want to be a wake and didn't want to talk to people,My daughter got me into this DS and. At first I didn't want to do it till I read that all ages of people were writing in for answeres to the disease MG thts is what took Fred away from me,Vicki there is no doubt your going to feel a different grief I'm assuming. Because it is your daughter, I have a wonderful daughter and I can't even deal with that thought of her,I'm not sure what I'd do but please remember there was a plan but you let your. Feeling out anyway you want, we are all here to help one another,I'm here day are. Nite if you need to. Let it out. I'm praying for your husband and you, GOD BLESS YOU BOTH. KAT

Honey; please don't add guilt to your grief and torment yourself over two issues.
You didn't do anything wrong - you loved her implicitly with all of your heart and soul and she knows that - she will always know that - I still talk to Shaun - and do things that others may not view as normal but guess what? It's my grief process, and my choice to do whatever I want to during it - if it means talking to him, taking pictures of his gravesite - talking about him, crying - sleeping - over eating - screaming - wishing it were a nightmare that I could wake up from - it needs to be let out - and let out everyday - she's a very pretty girl;
Hold onto the memories - savor in them - and may God begin to fill your heart with peace & understanding, love and continued strength - may he bless you in ways that seem miraculous - and hold your hand every moment in each day. Blessings.....I'm so sorry hon.

I honestly don't know what to say except that I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found daily strength to at least try to help get thru some of this. I have not lost a child only a parent and that was tough enough. My heart goes out to you, your son, husband and family. Life is hard enough w/out having to experience death/loss. God Bless you and please keep sharing your feelings if you can. We are all here for you, even though you don't know us...

I'm glad you were able to dream of her and remember her smile. Some times in the beginning it is so hard to remember the good times. This is a hard journey and a difficult path to walk, but just always try to remember those good times and that beautiful smile of hers. I'm sorry you did not have a good day, and I know how real your heartbreak is. Glad you are able to share your feelings here. Sending you a hug, Kim.

I'm so sorry. I lost my son almost two years ago and I have never been fortunate to dream of him. I'm happy you had a dream but I'm so sorry that the reality has caused such heartache. This process is still so very new for you so please be patient and remember to journal often and reach out when you need anything. Love to you. Robin

I completely empathize with you; cherish the dream; it was a sign - I had several dreams life-like and real about Shaun after he died. You were blessed; and I want you to believe she is still with you - I know the anguish; the pain, the never ending internal gut splitting pain, and will be here to help you, in any way possible. You will be in my prayers - all of us here - will be there for you - no matter what kind of a day you have. My best advice is to not try and hide your pain - I did - and it wasn't a good idea.
Go with your emotions - you have to feel the pain in order to heal - I'm sorry, I know it doesn't sound good - but I want to be honest - cry when you need to, scream - Heck I punched my couch night after night after night -
and I continue to love him - still, more and more each day.....

I'm sorry for your Pain you are feeling..When my son Ryan died I prayed to God for Ryan to give me messages in my dreams.. He gave me messages from day one..but my dreams I had have only been like visions of him, almost like faint visions of him standing there or sitting..Most of the time they are visions of him being a little boy witch makes me so sad...The only words that he has said in a couple dreams was " I Love You and Miss you so so much" and another time I heard his voice yell out "ERICA" which is his sisters name (my daughter).. That message mean't to me to take care of Erica, and help her..Erica is 17 now and was having alot of problems in school, getting in trouble alot. Ryan knew all the troubles she had been going through before he died..I think I'll do more praying to God for more signs, B/C when I do sooner or later another Ryan gives me some sort of message... God Bless, Kelly