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katlyn40 
10:53pm, October 6, 2009
I'm so tired. Ifinally got the courage to leave my abusive husband...21 years of marriage,21 years ofmy life wasted, sometimes Iwonder if I ever loved him, or knew who he was. Finally got the courage to move out 8 months ago, then 4 months ago lost my job. Haven't been able to find a new one, so now I'm losing my apartment. I loved this apartment, the first place that I've ever lived by myself, just me and my son, my only place to call my own. Now my husband is vacating our home to live with his GF and I get to move back there with all the memories and nightmares, etc. I don't want to go back, but since I can't afford to live here anymore everyone has decided that it's in my best interest and this is the best solution. Why does everyone think that they get to make my decisions for me? Why? If I had it my way I'd chose a totally different route. If I didn't have a child, I'd chose a permanent route a one way ticket out of this hellish life that I live. It's been hell from the day I was born to a child molester and an abusive mother and to this day it's still hell....so what's the point. Why keep trying...MY SON, he's the only thing that keeps me going. So for 8 more years I have to tolerate the physical pain that I suffer everyday of my life, the mental suffering and imbalance that is my life, the constant struggles of battling cutting all of it for 8 more years and then I'm done, I get to die and leave all of this hell behind. My children wil have been raised into well adjusted, polite, strong men and they won't need me anymore anyways. My oldest will be 27 by then a grown man. My youngest will be going into college and starting tomake something of himself. Most days I know that there is no way in this world that I will last 8 more years, I mean there have already been 8 attempts and various trips to urgent care for stitches...I have great docs, pdoc and tdoc, but they just don't understand how hard it is to live my life, they don't understand how much it hurts to be me....nobody does.
