MasterpieceLost's Journal

Today I watched a documentary. It was something I found on Netflix a while ago. One of the fun things about netflix is their instant view section. I often like browsing their instant view documentaries just for something to listen to while I'm painting.

Well, a while ago I found a documentary that sounded mildly interesting. It went on my que where I immediately forgot about it until late last week. It is called Fat: What No One is Telling You. This documentary has turned into my mantra, whenever I start loosing steam or willpower.

 Now, thinking about my weight is obviously no new thing. But in a life where so much of my time goes to school, work, and other obligations, I tend to not look past my attempts to eat healthy (I've gone almost entirely vegetarian, though admittedly my portion control leaves much to be desired). I had told myself, on my 25th birthday (two weeks ago, roughly) that I was going to give myself a birthday present of loosing 75 to 100 lbs by my 26th. I did the math, that comes out to about 2lbs a week on average, with a healthier, albeit still full figured, target weight of 225. But almost immediately after my birthday, I entered finals season. For a grad student, especially at my school, this is a time riddled with 12 to 14 hour work days, all nighters, and the worst eating habits known to man to say nothing about no time for exercise. I felt like suddenly I had to decide, well, I guess I'll just have to start my life changes after the semester is done. 

I think this documentary was a wakeup call. I was up late one night and turned it on for background noise...something to broaden my mind a bit so it didn't turn to mush during the repetitive brush strokes. Instead, I found myself engrossed.

I have been so used to seeing myself as the only one, the only heavy person. Sure, my mom is heavy too, but thats different than every other person you see around you. Especially when I'm young. I feel like there is a certain age where people sort of expect others to be out of shape and don't pay so much attention to it. But a 25 year old? Suddenly, through this documentary,  now I was seeing that there were other people dealing with this, even young people. They were having the same issues I have as far as having to start at square one with completely unlearning a lifetime of bad habits going back to my childhood.  Some of them took very healthy positions with it, some of them didn't. some of them chose to accept their weight and be content, others took the surgery, others still worked hard through exercise and diet and still actually succeeded. This last one is what I want to do, what I want to be, so very badly. 

Watching that, I suddenly realised there is no tomorrow. I'm not going to conquer this in a day. I'm not going to magically get rid of my low stamina and bad knee and back that reduce my motivations to exercise. I have to take small steps, I can't conquer the world in a day. But even small steps, one step at a time, eventually get you across the wilderness, right?