LittleDawn07's Journal

So tonight someone called... the guy who was my first abuser to be specific. At first I was very angry because he was denying what happened like he has done for years but then I said that he can think whatever he wants and say whatever he wants but I know its real and nothing will make it go away He finally broke down and admitted he knew what he did to me and felt horrible. Then we talked about that and I told him what it has done to me and we got past that and talked about life and he talked about who he is now.. and I discovered that as much as I hate him and everything that hes put me through.. we are much alike.. his girlfriend miscarried and that made him lose God... which Ive gone through and he apparently tried starting a fundraiser concert so he could go to Africa to build a school after missionaries were killed... I have always wanted to go to Africa to be a teacher there and I did a fundraiser concert for a homeless shelter.. so it was interesting. And then I talked about my ex and how he was abusive and we figured out that we both know some Tagalog cuz he has a fil friend so that was kinda funny. Then he talked about how he thought Neil and I were meant to be which I thought was pretty hilarious.. he said he thinks he will come around and I said I dont think so and its too late anyways.. so that was funny.. and then we just talked about life and everything. I think its what i needed.. to know that it happened because he confirmed it.. and now i can move on... he said that im a beautiful person and that he wished things were different and he wants me to find someone who listens to me and said that i shouldnt rush things and learn to find happiness.. Its funny how a nightmare can give you everything you needed in a few words.