I found this forum while in a moment …
I found this forum while in a moment of desperation that comes upon me very once in a while to find others like …
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LittleDawn07 
Sympathy. Revenge.. which is worse?
What's on my mind? A journal. I remember everything except it feels like it's someone else's story that I heard too many times. There's this boy that was there and he was so real and one morning I woke up and I had this empty feeling and I touched my stomach and knew he was gone. I won't ever forget that feeling & to many you may not know what I mean because it's so minor in others eyes that it must not be real... but it's one of those things. I feel so stupid. But his name was Aidyn, my little fire.. because that's what I felt inside me, a spark of light... something I have always felt was taken from me because I was undeserving but I know that one day, I will deserve him and he will come back to me. I'll be ready and I'll be able to be the best version of me and he will become my treasure.
Maybe I seek sympathy because all I've experienced are cold hearts and maybe I'm afraid that if I don't want sympathy, I'll want revenge... and I'm afraid to become what I hate.
I feel so empty and tired.. like nothing has changed and nothing has been forgiven.. I'm stuck.. again... in the past without escape.
Is he gone? Is she better? Is there someone new? Am I a filler?
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You deserve love, this day is today, not tomorrow or any other day. First step is to start loving yourself, that love that you are asking for live inside your heart nobody can provide you with it, you already have it. Just try to redirect this enormous love that you have, toward yourself, and toward your own precious soul. The person will come, with whom you will be able to share your love with, love is about sharing each other, If one that you in a relationship with doesn't understand this than the relationship is doomed.
I don't think you stuck, you rediscowereing your self, trying to learn who you are. Someone new will appear, for sure.
simon22
As i read your journal I was reminded of one of the Rumi's poems, maybe you'll find it a insparational.
Today like every other day we wake up empty and freighted
Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading
Take down a musical instrument
Let the beauty we love be what we do
There are hundreds of to kneel and kiss the ground
There are thousand of ways to kneel and kiss the earth
Let the beauty we love be what we do
simon22