RaeLove's Journal

well, firstly im talking to people more often only because i have a job and because i need to have things to talk anbout to the people at work...but when im off somedfays i dont talk to anyone really im still lonely even more so now my dad is living with us and my mom doesnt pay as much attention to me anymore....idk...just feel lonely...if someone ask me out these days a frined or if someone wants to try to start something with me im more open to it because i just need someone to talk to....o yeah im not a chatter box...i wish i wear though sigh...im quiet than most people but i have learned thats just me but i make up for it with my personality....when im not talking...

hmn...o yay school tryna get off academic probation i think im tryin hg harder but in order for me to get off it i need to be active in a daycare center which i am currently not...=(...imma look for a place to volunteer next week i only have a few more weeks of school so yay im panicking...but  i think i will be fine in the 2 other classes that dont need that requirement...

hmn....what else i updated lest see hmn...i think thats about it...im working on another jo becuase im in dire need for money....plus it will get me into the placea nd person i want to be...just want to be around people..really often.... i need ot be its the only way that i will get the things i want and the things i really want are as follows:... (lol im wrinting this shit asit were a paper "as follows" lol) well any famn ways;

i want:"

a one or more friends thaqt i wont feel the need to have a boyfriend....i kinda hate the fact that i want a boyfriend my therapist says it s normal but i kinda just dont want to think about the oposite sex it irritates me...idk..it just does...dont get me wrong i do want someone but i just have issues with im just worthless to the opposite sex....like i have had all bad experiences with men......idk...i just haqve issues with them...i dont know how to deal with men i guess i neve really been around any men i guess thats why...o yeah i regret the things i done with the men i known..*sign* i have learned form them i guess but i wish i still was a virgin...=( i still feel as though i am because i never really had a realtionship so i still feel that way its weird i guess... i feel it was just something i did because i was lonely but o well i cant sew the shit bacck up now can i....

hmn.... what else would i like in my life...i just want to see where im going in likfe i keep thinking about going to a fortune teller...i just want to know becaque all my life has been shit..

i wish i could help people thats what i really wnat to do with my life buthow can i when i cant even pick myself up.... i need to get myshit together i need to get kjobs meet people open my mounth..talk...get friends...etc..mainly i need to do welll in school...l... i just want to make money so i can help people i know it weird i jsut do...i need to get myself out of debt befor ei can though.... =(.....i just want money...i dont really want anything except a dog lol...that will keep me happy i dont really weant anything else with moeny...im like a lil kid i know but my dreams are small yet big...i want what everyone else has socially......and i want to live my life helping people and traveling... blah blah i havent wrote in here for a whileso im just blahbing if i could wish for something i would wish for a good friend that gets me...no not aq boyfriend just a freind....