ShellsNCheese's Journal

I was going to journal all that him and I have been through over the past week and I just don't want to put anymore energy towards it. Basically, my worse fear came true but it took me a while to realize the pain that I have cause and my contribution to us being where we are today. We both have continously hurt one another, yet now we have taken the route to overcome. This process will be slow..I am at a different place since all has happened over the past couple of months. His constant dedication, patience, tenderness and just overall refusal to give up on us is why I can't not PUT HIM DOWN.

I was scared to death to take this medicine. I hate medicine, totally against it, but I forgot I was a huge risk taker. So, I did it. It made me slightly sleepy, but as soon as started to fall asleep that is when all kinds of weird stuff happened. lol First, I had that asleep but not really..but kinda awake but can't move your body in and out thing going for a while at first. Then all the nightmares came. There was this dark figure that use to come in my dreams when I was four, hadn't seen him since; he was there. I mean it was scary. It was almost like many of my fears were surfacing. I kept praying and surrounding myself with God's white light and it would shift to another type of "fear" based dream. CRAZY! The whole "texture/tone" of the dreams were weird and different. The night was very bizzare feeling and I couldn't stop thinking every moment. I kept waking up and going back to sleep and thinking to myself while falling back to sleep, but the sleep was okay. The dreaming was what was weird.

I woke up feeling pretty good. Not tired and I managed to make it to 9:30am and not have a cup of coffee(not coffee for me today). Wanted to see if I would crave it, nope. For some reason I don't feel like I need it. I definitely feel different this morning, but not sure what it is. Plus I'm a thinker so I could always be psyching myself out as I am known to do. I do feel a lil nauseous!