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CricketM 
9:35am, November 18, 2009
My pain has gotten so bad lately that I have had to give up driving. My right hip is just burning with pain & some days I've had to stay home from work because I cannot sit with the bad hip or stand with the bad knee, all I could do was lay in bed. I'd take my max dose of pain meds & sometimes that didn't even work so I took my sleeping pill so I could just sleep through the day & hope that I would wake without as much pain. I have to have my TENS unit on all day on my knee to be able to work. I push, push, push myself to get through the day. Especially with not only having my full-time job but trying to get my jewelry business going too.
I am just having it set in a bit that I will be getting a neurostimulator implant. I'm scared because it's another surgey. I'm also concerned because in the info I have it says it's not recommended for pregnant women (not that I am planning that anytime soon since I don't even have a boyfriend or any social life now to even have that in the near future) That's something I've always wanted, but since the pain I've almost given that dream up too along with all my other dreams. It seems to me that everyone else that is going through this sort of thing are married so they have that support & many already have kids so it doesn't seem to be that much of a concern for them. Not only that but they have a spouse to help them financially (esp. with health insurance) unlike me who has to work full time rain or shine pushing myself to tears, grinding my teeth as I smile at co-workers pretending nothing is wrong. I love my job but right now I really wish I could take some time off to deal with this emotionally & physically. I feel like I'll just break some days from the stress alone! I wish I could get some people to feel what I go through each day just for a short time. I don't want sympathy, I want understanding.
So I'm praying this will finally be the answer so I can finally start a "normal" life...
Comments
Hi Cricket. You are not alone. I live alone, lost my husband, and have one daughter. My daughter lives in Los Angeles. Her last visit in August was supposed to be quality time. Instead she helped me get through the worst episode of shingles (scalp and both sides of buttocks) I have ever had. It has been a nightmare. I even lost some of my hair.
In addition to recurrent shingles, I also live with chronic pain (herniated disk; degenerative disk disease--to name a few) and the worst is post-herpetic neuralgia (in other words, terrible burning, stabbing, nerve pain). Finally now I am seeing a little relief. I live in a remote area in Northern California. I know how difficult it is to support yourself. I was found to be disabled in 2001. I do not know how you manage to work with the incredible pain you are in. I lost my legal career of over 20 plus years. My steady companion is my 12-year old Maltese. And, I stress over the fact that he is going on 13 and has problems as well.
Please take care. For me, just to know I am not alone with this helped me out so much. I think the hardest part for me is to accept myself as I will never be able to live normal like others. We can only do the best with what we have been given. Please take care and God bless.
Colleen
ColleenH
Thanks ColleenH!!
It is a small comfort to hear from others that have similar problems with life. I cannot get onto disability right now because our state is so messed up that even if I qualify the state doesn't have any $ to pay me. I am to the point I will cry in bed before I get up because I just don't want to push myself anymore. I'm so tired emotionally besides the pain. Thank God for my family!
I wish you much luck my friend!!
CricketM