sunbrite4444's Journal

My son went camping and 4wd with his dad for 4 days..They do this trip reguarly, with a whole heap of other guys, and their kids. Take their motorbikes up, and have all sorts of adventures. This is the first one they've had since he left. I sorta knew I was going to take it hard, but not as hard as I did. You see everyday they drive to the main town, and everyone rings their wives to say they're fine, and give updates and such. Everyone going was going to be ringing all the same wives they normally do. Execpt mine. I feel left out, I feel I don't know really lonely. It's been a bad four days. I thought I was going to die. I've sobbed the whole time, and just drank. I wish I had some drugs, I really do. I was going to visit, and do stuff. I kept myself extremely busy during the day, working in the garden and stuff to the point I would be aching. I know my hubby is the type to drive to town so my son can ring me. It sounds strange, but I didn't want him to do that because I knew I'd be talking to my son with hubby right next to him, and he wont talk to me. It happened 3 days, they are due back today. Everytime my son rang, I had to sound up beat, and say how good it is he's having a great time, and stuff. Then he would say goodbye, and I would hear hubby in the back before he would hang up, and it was the worst. It was really bad. I'm so upset, I couldn't walk out the door yesterday, I felt I was going mad, now I have to pull myself together, and sound so happy when my son comes home and tells me all the stuff they got up to. I'm a total mess. I can't do this...I can't.