travelnut's Journal

I purposefully have left writing an entry in my journal for a whole week. Why, well a few reasons but one of those is because recovering from these PEs isn't fast and I thought it was more motivating writing weekly when there are more noticeable improvements. I think I am starting to feel much better in myself as I am less tired (although did manage to fall asleep for 4 hours this afternoon), I can walk further, quicker without getting stupidly breathless and the chest pain does seem to be coming on less. So things are definitely looking up which is a great relief. 

The thing I'm still struggling to get my head around is that I need to manage my blood clotting for life. After my first PE in my mind I thought I'll just get over this PE and get back to normal and forget it all ever happened! Well that might have worked if it wasn't for my 2nd PE last month which has changed things a bit! I had convinced myself that I had been struck by lightening the first time and that it was just good old bad luck but now having had the 2nd I know this is nothing to do with luck and there must be a reason why I am getting these PEs but. If there is a reason then there may be a solution or a 'cure' for the problem but the frustrating thing is that no one can tell me what the reason is. The other thing that is a bit of a problem is that when people ask me how I am I keep telling them I'm OK, I'm fine all that sort of thing. Why do I do that?! I'm not fine. I think perhaps I'm still a bit in denial that I've had a serious condition (see I write had rather than have!) and that it has happened again.

Oh well I'm sure that this is all the sort of thing that a lot of other recurrent PE people go through and I'm sure I will come out of this at the end although at the moment everything seems as though I've been given a life sentence.