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passion2write 
4:53am, November 20, 2009
Hey friends! Wow, it's been 6 months and I'm still struggling really bad. I am craving all of it to. My alcohol, cocaine, and pills. Mainly my pills though. I guess you could just as well sayANY HIGH! I am on Suboxone to help me from withdraw of the opiates that I was on for 15 years. I am going downin does now and was on 4 a day and now I am on 3 and a half. I am afraid though because I'm being comforted by the fact that I am on an opiate. It's half an opiate but still a narcotic. I want to rush off these so I can drink or take a pill. They said it's an opiate blocker so if I do take something than it will block the effects. I know it's confusing, but I want that high still. I crave it and so desire it, but I am trying to take this ONE day at a time like they say. They say just be happy for today and thankful that your sober today. Don't worry if your going to relapse tomorrow. I cna't help it htough because of my mind frame. I mean, I have 3 kids and I'm married. I don't want to get trashed and party. I don't desire that old lifestyle. I just need that high. I am so used to popping pills everytime I get stressed, bored, or argue with my husband. I have been doing that basically since I was 12. I started drinking when I was 12 and than got heavy later. I than went to cocaine and after I got in the car accident, I started taking pills. I got pregnant also at age 19, so I had to quit cocaine and the beer. I did it but I was on pills for pain and started to likehow they made me feel. So, I have been on them 15 yrs. and after 13 yrs. I started drinking again. So, I really have never been without drugs since 12. So facing life sober is really crazy and hard. It's just a hard thing to do. I am trying though. I love my family and don't want that old life. Just a high. So I have to face that demon everyday and fight the urge. I am trying to quit smoking and that is just so hard right now. Just keep praying for me friends. I am always here for any of you who needs to talk. Though I sound messed up I have been throuhg so much pain and I can relate to you all on a lot of different subjects. I am always here to listen friends. Take care~ ((((Hugs)))) Lisa~
Comments
Hi Lisa....kudos for maintaining your sobriety for six months! You should be very proud, but try to hold on, even though you're tempted to get high. I know it's a long road ahead, but you can do it. Just think about your family, and how much they need you. Good luck, my friend....I'm cheering you on!
Sabrina
Sabrina15
Hi Lisa, you're in my prayers, as are all of my daily strength friends, who are all #1 in my prayers. Just keep focusing on the accomplishments that you have made, and that you have made it thus far, and keep telling yourself that you ARE a survivor! I'm always here for you if you need someone to talk or chat with.
TimmyB
I'm on campral for alcohol cravings and was on naltroxone also.I found that these drugs helped me with alcohol and drug cravings.I know its not easy and I will pray for you.
Keep up the good work!!!!
Tony
bongoboy
the only shadows in this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. looks like ur keeping yourself out of the shadows lately :) may your life be always full of sunshine... be safe. survive via love!!! it is the cure for everything , focus on that. im sure you know :) wish you the best
grkgirl