ItsNotJustME's Journal

Today it rained all day. It was just way too much the feeling of my mood outside. My dogs needed to go outside, and i decided in the still of the night at 1:30am I would join them.

I walked outside, expecting it to be downpouring, and instead it was still. The stars were coming out. It was amazing to see the clouds and the stars both for once. We've had alot of nights where there was no stars to be seen, so it was wonderful to see them out.

I just stood there and stared at them, I realized that even though i have been down in the dumps today I need to start understanding myself and still go on with my day to day life. Earlier, I was just somewhat out of it, feeling sorry for myself. These feelings of feeling sorry for myself are very, very rare in my life. I am a survivor of many things, and dont like to be THAT down.

So, I am going to do some new coping techniques over the next few days and see what becomes of them. So far, the ones I have used that has worked for my cutting was coloring, going to my "safe place" in my head, taking the dogs to the dog park, talking on the phone to friends, watching a movie, getting icecream, writing, listening to music, and rolling down my windows and listening to music in my car.

I hope I can find better ways somewhere along the way to become a better person. I am waiting for the day when I feel stable for the first time in a long time. I honestly cant say i'm stable at the moment, but will work towards that day one min at a time.

I hope everyone is having a good day and hope to hear from you soon :)