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SusyP 
I had a fantastic day on Saturday. I signed up several weeks ago to translate for a Human Rights organization. When my alarm went off at 6am, I was not so keen on keeping my commitment. I am NOT a morning person!!!
Regardless, I managed to get myself out of bed to a designated meeting place and take a 3 hour car ride with 4 strangers. I have spent the last 6 months lamenting my lack of judgment and high tolerance for putting up with unhealthy behavior from XN. I have spent the last 4 months learning everything I could about Narcissism, to the point of possibly developing an unhealthy obsession with the subject.
My head space has been on a continual loop of going over the list of 64 red flags that I overlooked in an attempt to retrain my mind and realize that the majority of that relationship had been a delusional fantasy. The reality is that the relationship was sorely lacking in any balance or intimacy. Furthermore, although he was intelligent and somewhat interesting, his lack of spontaneity and extremely limited interests did not make him a very compatible partner. And no matter how great he told me he was, he really was not.
Yesterday, I met the most incredible group of people. My faith in humanity has been officially restored!!
It started when I got into the car and said hello to a very cute boy. I had to blink my eyes and make sure I was not dreaming. And I do mean boy, he was 23 years old, practically an infant!!! Aside from the age, he was everything that I like; he looked like a 70’s throw back with long hair, green eyes and incredible bone structure. Besides the pure thrill of the eye candy, he was so smart and passionate about social justice, spoke three languages fluently and was trying to learn a 4th.
I was very impressed that someone that age would be volunteering on a Saturday (instead of sleeping off a hang over) and asked him how he got involved in humanitarian work and to which he replied: I am human and feel the need to help other humans. What a concept!
When we got to the designated meeting spot, I met 3 other really cool couples also in their 20’s. These people have dedicated themselves to serving humanity. They were part of a program called: Mission Year, where they move into really bad neighborhoods in Urban Areas and try to be a positive influence. Yikes, how scary.
On top of living in a crime infested area, they all worked for Non-profits: Habitat for Humanity, Homeless shelters, etc. They told me that they wanted to spend their lives serving the less fortunate. I was blown away by these people and their beautiful spirits.
The indigent people that I was translating for were also truly grateful for my help. Two of the men actually got tears in their eyes when they thanked for the taking time to help a stranger; which made me tear up. It was a fantastic day.
On the ride home I thought about how these people were the complete opposites of Narcissists. In reality, most of us are not so selfless. We try to be good people, not cause deliberate harm to others, but we save our charitable efforts for our inner circle: our family and very close friends. Narcs are only 3 or 4% of the population and I am sure that people whose only desire is to serve others are probably 3 or 4% of the population as well.
Meeting them was like someone taking a light and illuminating my heart.
I am not sorry for my education in Narcissism. I feel it was completely invaluable in explaining the relationship that I was in and especially how it ended. NOTHING made sense until I started learning about this personality disorder and then everything made sense. It fit him like a glove.
But not everyone is a Narc and there are plenty of decent people in this world. When I get off my relationship break and start to date again, I have decided to look for prospective dates in volunteer circles. I want someone just like Mr. Trilingual but 20 years older!!!
We got back in the car to drive home and this super old song came on the radio:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w
I felt like it was a great sign that filled me with hope. Here are the lyrics:
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
Its gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow Ive been praying for
Its gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Look all around, theres nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
Its gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
UPDATED GOALS
Awaken to my true self
Progress 35%
Encouragements: 0
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Comments
Hey Susie..so glad to read a journal up date...I was wondering if the narc had moved out of your head and now the Human right organization has the narcs leg and arm out the door. YES!
I would never consider any particular group of people to be removed from narcissism. So, being aware of the characteristics in action is still important.
I was with a narcissist who was entirely into spirituality and for all practical purposes what he seemingly studied and practiced was still filtered through a narcissistic disposition. any thing can turn grandiose . It isn't just for rock stars.
Any way...I am so happy you got a nice big slice of empathetic people.
I know for myself that most all of the people who attend Yoga classes are for the most part very interested in growth and awareness but there are always a percentage of narc that float through.
It is so rejuvenating to to share space with like energies. Good for you!
pageo
This is so excellent! I'm so happy for you! I want renewed faith in humanity! I can't imagine what that feels like. I too have an obsession w/ NPD and see them EVERYWHERE I look now. I have been thinking that I need to do more volunteer stuff. I am a volunteer foster parent for the APL which doesn't lead me to meeting other volunteers since it's done in my own home. And a volunteer auxiliary police officer which leads me to meet other cop type personalities which have a higher probability of being NPD than any other profession... I belong to other volunteer groups but am not very active in them so I don't really meet people. But this is a great idea. I need to get more active. Good for you!
AgentSmith
Hi Susy! So nice to read this journal filled with such positivity and energy. Sounds like you had a very fulfilling time, as well as giving of yourself to others. So wonderful that you're able to feel the 'the truth' about your ex-narc as well as see it - really sounds like you have moved on to the next phase of your life big time. Am so, happy that you sound so happy. You've been so encouraging to others, including me - and I'm glad that you gained such positive insights from your experiences. Hugs xxxx
desertflo
p.s. forgot to say that your song is also my song! I love that song and often sing it to myself, that and also 'Don't you worry, about a thing, cos every little thing's gonna be alright' (can't remember who sings it!)
x
desertflo
You are an inspiration to me! I hope one day in the future I will be able to write a journal entry with such inspiring, positive messages of hope and recovery. You are evidence that all of this hard work and growth is to an important end. You are amazing!!!
erin20
I like your description of Mr. Trilingual....lol. Your last six months although probably not your happiest has taught you a lot and I think it is invaluable information! By learning what makes you unhappy, and crazy and mad and sad you now know exactly what you DO NOT want and that makes it so much easier to know what you DO want. So now that you know the red flags you can recognize them easily and when you see good people you can recognize that too.
I so am happy for you that you had such a wonderful day and you sound VERY optimistic!!!
arat38
It sure seems like there are more Narcs than 4%.
Reading your journal helps cement something I've observed. Those who stay in unhealthy relationships with NARCS seem to have no concept of what amazing human beings they are themselves. It always seems that if they would just hang out with people similar to themselves, they'd be fine. I think you may have found some people with the same values and empathy and kindness that you possess. How wonderful to have real, meaningful connections based on truth and compassion. Aren't you trilingual also?
Samadian
I am bilingual (ENG/SPN) unless you count Narc speak as a 3rd language!!! LOL
SusyP
I agree w/ Samadian. I have a SERIOUSLY hard time believing the 4% statistic when I manage to attract a neverending supply of these guys (and have encountered two NPD females as well). I demand a recount!
AgentSmith