Life is just passing me by
October 27, 2009 6:44pm
I'm really confused as to why I'm here. I don't get why I didn't die in my crash. I can't committ suicide, because I don't …
Starzz 
8:11pm Tuesday
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About Me
Starzz
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About Me
I started fighting the battle of depression around the age of 11. I have a love-hate relationship with myself. I learned to keep all mythoughts to myself, so that I wouldn't get laughed at. I was teased all through school, and abused by my father every day. I suffer with depression, anxiety, bi-polar, loneliness. I never was on any medication, so my way of coping was drugs and alcohol. This past Easter I decided to drink and drive. I ended up flipping a truck 8 times, crashed and wrapped it around a tree. I totalled the truck, but I walked away with no injuries. The only injuries I had was my feet were cut up, because I had beer bottles that shattered and cut my feet. I was wearing my seatbelt, but I know God picked me up and carried me when it happened. When the cops came to help me, I flipped out. I was taking to jail on 3 charges, 2 of which are felonies. I have not done drugs in over a year now and I don't drink anymore. I am now on medcication, I get therapy. Since I live a diffrent lifestly now, I have lost all the so called friends I thought I had. I still struggle with the depression on a daily basis. When I am around others, they don't think I have depression. But as soon as I get by myself, i get very down. I cry all the time over nothing. I just pray. God didn't make me stubborn for nothing. I refuse to give up and let the devil win. I know one day I will reach true happiness. I'm a work in progress.
I started fighting the battle of depression around the age of 11. I have a love-hate relationship with myself. I learned to keep all mythoughts to myself, so that I wouldn't get laughed at. I was teased all through school, and abused by my father every day. I suffer with depression, anxiety, bi-polar, loneliness. I never was on any medication, so my way of coping was drugs and alcohol. This past Easter I decided to drink and drive. I ended up flipping a truck 8 times, crashed and wrapped it around
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Interests
Learning as much as I can about God and teaching others so they to can have a better life. Owning my own buisness, continuing to live a drug and alcohol free life. I like tatttoos, piercings, cleaning, and being productiive. I love animals, and helping children that are not offred the best in life. I'am as well trying to learn sign language, I have a boston terrier that is deaf, sometimes it would be easier if I knew some sign language!!!
Learning as much as I can about God and teaching others so they to can have a better life. Owning my
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Recent Activity
Tuesday
October 29
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Starzz wrote a discussion post in the Smoking Addiction & Recovery support group: An incentive 8:41pm
So my boyfriend gave me an incentive last night to quit smoking. So I think I may be ready. I know this…
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Starzz updated their status 8:36pm
McDonald's has smoothies now, I love smoothies!!!…
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Starzz changed their mood to Excellent 8:36pm
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Journal
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why the hell am i here?
October 23, 2009 9:29pm
im really hating life right now and everything in it. i hate my job, myself and the world around me. i want to crawl into a hole and never come out. …
This entry is private
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last time i checked, i was a human to
August 10, 2009 6:45pm
i feel like i have wen't to hell thursday, and just got back an hour ago. my brother comes to see me for his birthday( he lives In Texas), for …
This entry is private
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Hugbook
Get Well Soon!
Carebear Hugs
Hug
You know my prayers are with you everyday.
Roger the Minister - verse
Psalms:27:1: The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Hug
i'm sorry to hear that. i kinda' feel the same today.
anyway, i hope you have a good weekend.
Hug
I forgave shortly after wanting to be a christian it took 36 years to forget why I forgave. It was worth the wait it helped me to grow. I now have a wonderful relationship with my mother. For a long time I thought it might not ever have been possible. I'm glad we both lived long enough to experience the final results. MBTCL Dave
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Hug
hiya...i hope you're feeling a bit better now. i admire your honesty
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Depression
I have been depressed for most of my life now. I have been abused in every way possible. I have lost most of family, so I'm very alone. My soul is numb, I feel nothing. Im desperate to have anyone to talk to. I can't think to talk.
Treatments
- Prozac Too Soon to Tell
Open Alcoholism
i have always drank for fun but more to just cope. i want to quit because i am afraid of becoming addicted. on easter i was in a bad car accident due to drinking and driving. i flipped the truck i was in about 3-4 times, totalled it, and went to jail. only by the grace of God did i make it out alive. as soon as i got out of jail, that night i had a drink. i know i have a problem now
Open Loneliness
i feel as im here on earth by myself. my nannny passed a few years ago, and i didnt get to say bye. she was my best friend, and the only person i wsnt judged by. my dad has been missing for 6 years, my brother has been missing for over 10.
Treatments
- Prozac Not Working
Open Financial Challenges
i need meds really bad, but I cant afford them. i was denied medicaid, and havent worked in a while.
Treatments
- Budgeting Working / Worked
