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  • About Me

    Image of gma2

    gma2

    Female, 61, Married
    doesn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t matter, OH, USA
    Member since May 4

    • About Me

      I had to edit my original profile statement b/c I realized that unless I let you know me.. that I suffer from depression and anxiety and it has long been part of my life, you will never really know me. I am a loving grandmother ..one of which is a 15yr old teen. with Mood disorders bi-polar./ depression, OCD or ADHD?? .My family seems to be disappearing. What was.once a close and loving family has changed .. my hope is that reaching out for peer connection in D>S> would be welcomed..and believe me is much needed.. Its my nature to try and fix every-one's problems . I realize now that I have to fix my own first. I don't allow myself to be happy...There must be others who feel as I do.and I hope to make connections for info, sharing and support.

      I had to edit my original profile statement b/c I realized that unless I let you know me.. that I suffer from depression and anxiety and it has long been part of my life, you will never really know me. I am a loving grandmother ..one of which is a 15yr old teen. with Mood disorders bi-polar./ depression, OCD or ADHD?? .My family seems to be disappearing. What was.once a close and loving family has changed .. my hope is that reaching out for peer connection in D>S> would be welcomed..and believe me

  • Journal

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  • Hugbook

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    • Hug

      From ElenaNJ October 30

      thanks for replying to my post. yup, they do run the circus it seems.

    • Thumbs Up

      From BeatinBP October 29

      Hey Jude, don't be afraid, take a sad song, and make it betterrrrrr!!! I was hospitalised because the powers that be considered me a risk of self harming. I am concerned about my relationship with my children, because a Family Violence Order was taken out against me by the Police.

      My Asperger's son rang me yesterday morning, asking for me to come and pick him up, the Order however prevents me from doing so, it even prevents us from such contact, DRACONIAN? The Order is an Interim one until the 24th of November, still more than three weeks away.

      My ex has a gambling addiction, and refuses to acknowledge it's indirect impact, on me, in particular. It seems that if we are to maintain a relationship, then I have to live with her addiction, and be affected by it accordingly.

      Before we met, I owed about $25,000 on my home, now that we have seperated, I owe $90,000, and am unemployed. She has wasted over $110,000 during our relationship, and has learned not one lesson from it, the most important being that such behaviour wrecks lives, and not just HER life alone.

      Her father was a very cruel man, and her mother stood by watching him abuse his children. The only time that my ex could get positive attention from her dad was when, when playing cards (poker) as a 3yo, she would win a hand and he would parade her as HIS champion poker playing daughter, I believe it was this grooming of that makes her what she is today.

      She has also been in past abusive relationships, the most recent being when her partner put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her, and another family member if ever she left him. She left him the next day, she has since found out that he killed his next female partner, this is after he had bragged to her about killing another human being, but found not guilty via it being an accident.

      I am holding up quite well considering. I had a bad day last Sunday, but since then have been feeling quite okay, such feeling does concern me though as now I am being forced to accept a new habit, that being not having my children in my life 24/7, that is being enforced upon me by the LAW OF THE LAND.

      The child that misses me the most is the one whom I believed would be affected the most. I am my 8yo son's best friend, NO-ONE knows him as well as I do, and he is the one I most miss also. I do not like playing favourites, but the truth be known, he is.

      Time is the game I am now playing Jude, and a crime of soughts is now being played out by do-gooder law enforcers. I found out yesterday that I was wrongly imprisoned for four hours re. the Interim Family Violence Order taken out against me. I was not required even to appear in court, WHY SO THEN?

      I intend suing the do-gooders for doing BAD against me, because abuse of ME in any way, shape, or form, is WRONG!!! Thanks for your enquiry dear friend, and as for your dilemma, my advice is always be CONCERNED, but do not WORRY, because worry is something you can not control, at least if concerned you can chip away bit by bit, and know that you have a presence of a positive kind. LOVE YOU you SPECIAL friend of mine, Tim, xox.

    • Hug

      From Shelly4 October 21

      Thank you so much for all of your loving support and concern. I do feel a little better today as I actually slept 8 hours in a row for the first time in weeks. I have been sleeping 2-4 hours in a 48 hour period lately which is very draining on me. I will get through this with time. I see my pdoc next week to assess my meds and change if necessary. Thank you again for your concern and wonderful hugs. xo

    • Flower

      From BeatinBP October 20

      Jude, your beautiful hug was just that, BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you my dearest darling friend. I am restricted by time on here at the moment because the hospital does not permit patients to use their in-house computers.

      So I will keep in touch as best as I can, I am fine at the moment, although I am missing my children. We have not seen each other for 7 days now, and will not see each other until 11/24/2009. I will have forgotten who they are, and they me also by that time maybe.

      I am a very weak human being when struck down with non-love of, I just hope that the time ahead is not what I anticipate it to be.

      Be HAPPY dear dear dear friend of MINE. Tim.

    • Little Love

      From BeatinBP October 14

      Jude, my daughter was repeatedly anally raped between ages 2-8 by a cousin on her mother's side of the family. His father was a known sexual child abuser, and my children, via my taking them there, were exposed to these depraved fucking cunts of animals (not that I was previously aware, I mean what father in his right mind would expose his children to such monster? However, mum on the otherhand?).

      Her cousin denied ever touching her, even though, during police interview he claimed that he should go and fuck her up the arse as she claimed him to have done already. Do you know what Jude? The police rang us after this interview and warned us about him possibly turning up on our doorstep, why then if they felt this way, did they not arrest him?

      My ex has a gambling addiction, she says the worst of it is behind her, but she still spends lots of time on-line playing poker. We seperated because she ran up a $17000 credit card gambling debt within 3 months that she could not afford to pay back. Whe the wolves arrived at the door, who do you think came to her rescue?

      Two weeks later she left me, little did I know though Jude, she had planned to leave me for six weeks prior to doing so, and she says Jude that she LOVES me, yeah right!!!

      She claims that I do not care about our children and that I do not love them, even though just recently I was involved in a physical confrontation in defence of them, she now wants me to leave the family home, and so too does my PTSD suffering daughter.

      My daughter, on behalf of her two bothers also, informs me, that although they love me, they do not want me to live with them any longer, love or rejection of ME Jude, or REJECTION of ME FULLSTOP? If I go Jude, via rejection of, guess what, my children will never ever ever ever see me again, because I do not handle terribly well rejection of, particularly so by loved ones. My ex supports their view by the way, but does so because each and every time we do argue she is unable to defend herself against the truth of what I say.

      This time last year Jude I attempted to kill myself, and did so I believe via emotional detachment, my ex quite literally broke my heart in two, and it sent me CRAZY. I am not sure that I will not do the same again now Jude, via the rejection now of me by my children, but one thing is for sure, if I am not around them, and in their lives 24/7 AS I SO DESIRE TO BE, then it is goodbye forever, harsh do you think? Or merely a logical way to resolve an illogical decision of their's made.

      The reason given Jude as to why they want me to leave is because me and mum fight ALL OF THE TIME. When I asked her when it was that her mum and I had last argued she could not tell me when, but she did say ALL OF THE TIME, didn't she?

      It is not my children who wish for me to go, it is their mother, she did say afterall two Saturdays ago that I did not care or love my children. Jude, my ex I believe is a SOCIOPATH. Sociopaths, essentially speaking are people who operate in life in the realms of black, white, and grey thinking/acting.

      Sociopaths are menaces of society, they plot a course of which no end exists, and quite literally destroy the lives of anyone and everyone that is unfortunate enough to get in their way, they are ILLOGICAL thinkers in reality, and there is a condition known as PTSD that is similar/same in nature to, who knows, such people may even be suffering with the condition in fact.

      My ex was threatened at knifepoint with death if she left a previous partner. It required 12 months of therapy for her to recover from her ordeal, or did she? We had an argument yesterday, and it resulted in her 18yo son assaulting me. My ex witnessed her son hit me to the back of the head, she acknowledges he did the wrong thing, and punished him by asking ME TO LEAVE.

      Is it unreasonable to believe Jude that she set me up for this attack, given that she provoked an angry response from me on an issue she raised earlier with me? Sadly this is the way of Sociopaths, to understand them unfortunately you have to live with them, the saddest thing of all though Jude is that such people are seriously unwell, but guess what Jude, my ex in fact thinks it is I that is sick instead, the typical sociopathic exclamation.

      I am sorry deary, but you did ask, lol. Please, no sympathy deary, I neither need it, nor want it. This whole thing still has twists and turns to it, so I rather look forward to what lies ahead, optimistically so.

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  • Support Groups

    • Close Bipolar Disorder - Teen

      as grandmother to a great 15yr GS I worry a lot about the effects of meds for teens/kids with BP, depression, ADHD, OCD and the likes. Why Drs. give these meds without concern for the side effects all they seem to be concerned with is 'the benefits or the money. We haven't been able to connect with one yet who even will take benefits and there are no support groups for teens, we have searched. My hope is to connect for myself, family and GS for support and sharing. I think it so important.

      Treatments

      Talking Somewhat Helpful
      I always wanted a friend...never had a good friend. maybe cause we moved around a lot when i was young. Got married very young husband was antisocial. like the support groups.
    • Close Family & Friends of Bipolar

      I am grandmother to 15yr with these mood disorders. He was first diagnoised ADHD, OCD now BP who knows? Drs here are very uncaring and only seem to care about how they are going to get paid.and hes been on meds for yrs now. I spend so much mental energy on worry and fear due to bizarre bouts of behavior I have witnessed over time. And fear for his future. Would love to be able to share info, feeling and support from moms of or grandmothers of teens in depression and mood disorders.

    • Open Codependency

      I dont think I was ever really happy. Not even on my wedding day 42yrs ago. I married my best friend who did and still does pull me back in when Im feeling depressed or involved with problems that are not mine to fix. I cant stop my head from telling me that if I dont fix the problem it will get worse or out of control. And that I am responsible in some way. I love my husband b/c he's been there for me always and he balances our relationship b/c "nothing bothers him"..and that ..bothers' me.

      Treatments

      12 Step Program Somewhat Helpful
      Loss of interest..like everything else I do
      CoDA Considering
      Id like to go..but I am afraid to travel on my own and my husband has no interest. He doesnt get the concept..nothing bothers him (he says).
      Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Considering
      What is this?
      Reiki Considering
      What is this?
      Talking Somewhat Helpful
      I found that you must be careful to whom and what you tell. People can be judgemental or condescending. If they haven't walked in your shoes..you know the deal.
      \"Codependent No More\" Somewhat Helpful
      Read it many times...oh can I relate..But changing oneself is a very big task. I am afraid..Afraid I will lose something, someone, I am afraid to be alone. I am getting to a point where I don't want to go out, socialize or have friends. Too much to handle.. am afraid of commitments.
    • Open Family Issues

      I have 2 grown children and several grand kids. My Mom is well in her 80's and I live far from my immediate family. My fear is that my family is falling apart. We used to be so close and loving. What went wrong?

      Treatments

      Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
      Unfortunately, she was a nut case with problems of her own. eventually had to stop going b/c she made me feel less than.
      Talking Somewhat Helpful
      I try to talk to my sisters but one is very condescending and the other is a bit sarcastic. Like group sharing.
      Writing Somewhat Helpful
      I have journaled..but like everything else I lose interest
    • Open Depression

      I have been depressed my whole life I think. I focus on everything negative that's going on in my life and now that I no longer can work I have just about shut everyone and everything out of my life. I joined several groups here in which I relate, but my life is empty. I can't fix anything, believe me I've tried..And I feel so alone. Nothing interests me and I dread going anywhere.

      Treatments

      Cymbalta Not Working
      Made me feel sick
      Elavil Not Working
      Made me too tied.
  • Groups

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