supermalv's Journal

ok to hell with the ice cream. i'm ashamed right now. to say that i quit already. but i think i have to. i'd rather make sushi. because i'm already experienced in sushi making for a couple of times. instead of this brand new territory i start from scratch. haa. i feel guilty for quitting. so bad.

but the good thing is that i quit before i spend and invest a lot of time in it.

i'm scared. i'm really scared. i've tried so many things before. forex. stocks. making doughnuts. furnitures. boxing. it's a long list of goals i pick up and quit halfway. i'm scared that i'll keep making excuses and pick up new things over and over again. i'm at a dead end. i can't find any answer. or any advise to myself how to avoid this.

i have to stick to one thing for years and years and be very good at it. and then make it my proffesion. my way of making a living. i can't just keep doing this. it's very concerning. because i know i'll end up nowhere.

phew. got to calm down. okay. maybe this is the point where most would give up then. maybe this is one of the trial within a trial. the motto is to not give up hope no matter how low i sunk in this life. and this is not too bad. not too low. i've experienced this. i've feared being a quitter. just because we make so many mistakes in this life. does that mean everything we do will be a mistake? no. i have also done a couple of thing and stick to it no matter what.

maybe it's a small chance. but i won't give up. i hope this next bullet will hit it's target. the trophy is knowing, at the end of the day, that i have become a better person simply because i didn't quit. that i keep going after my dream no matter how bad things get. i won't give up.

the small momentum that builds up to larger ones. it's the hardest one of all momentums. the starts are always the hardest. so this is my start. to find order within chaos. to find one thing to work really hard for.

i can't be scared of the beginning. i can't be scared of how long the journey still is. i can't be scared thinking everything is too late. i can't be scared thinking of how long it will take. always got to keep moving forward. just keep going forward. no matter what direction it is. this is still the stormy weather yes. i have to endure this turbulence and keep going. even if my dreams are still vague. and so many of them are shattered. i can't stop. i must keep going forward. always trying. there is opportunity. don't know what promise it will behold. don't know if i'll quit it yet another time. but i don't care. nobody ever says this life is easy. it starts from here. the start. this chaotic period where no beginning is present. i must endure all the doubts and the pain. i must survive another day. i must survive.