supermalv's Journal

I hate when I feel this way.

I'm unsure. I felt like I haven't try my hardest. But yet I have. Or at least I think I have.

My assignment.. I've finished designing this goddamn booklet. But there's this feeling that I'm only scratching the surface. Instead of feeling good that I've done heaps of work done, I feel like I just rushed completing it. Sacrificing the quality of the work for the quantity of the work done.

What does it take for me to be satisfied? It's funny how that question sounds like a trick question to me. Instantly in my mind, there was an automatic response of avoidance when I asked myself that just then.

But anyway yeah. Now that the work is "done" like this. I usually get too lazy to change the minor details (which adds up to be not so minor after all).

Maybe all these feelings stems from me feeling overwhelmed. Assignments scares the crap out of me. I always feel pressurised when I get one. I've to set my mind clear. Focus on the task I can immediately finish. And what obstacles lies in the way.

Right now, I have to finish typing out some text to the booklet. It shouldn't be that hard. I know I'm feeling this pang of laziness and I just want to procrastinate from doing this. But why should I avoid something that is so simple and easy? If I concentrate and put my mind into it, how hard can reading and writing get anyway? So god damn easy. I've been reading and writing since kindergarten.

A human can lift a goddamn truck when he's in a dire situation. If someone can lift a truck then I sure as hell can read and write properly.

It's 7.34 now. I'll go to sleep at 11. I'll give myself 15 minutes until I start doing my work and finish at 9.30-10.00ish. Cmon. It shouldn't be that hard. Just check each page one by one. Pay attention to detail, make some correction. Shit like that.

I just got to remember doing everything in the best way that I could. Everything shall be as perfect as I can get it to be. Not every task. Just the text. I have to isolate things one by one. So I'll focus on this task and not underestimate it. I'll try to forget the other tasks and just laser focus on this one. Put all of my ability into it.

Yosh. I can do this. I can do this...