Journal

Well Im still mad and feel alone.Im not sure whats going to happen. I hoping that everything will be find after the cone surgery..Im sorry for my spelling..Im yesterday was my very 1st appointment the with the doctor, at 1st I was just going to have the hysterectomy done, just so I don;t to deal with it, so it can just go away, but today she called, and suggested that I should have the cone surgery instead, so that will happen next week..Im trying to not get worked up about it, but I can feel myself getting worried..But Im reading alot. I pray that everything will be fine with me, but im still scared....

well yesterday, i was told that i have to go in for cone..whatever surgery...I am sooo scared that, even right now I feel like crying, Im so scared that I just want to yell and get mad...I feel so not hopeful, I feel so not strong, I feel soooooooo mad...I went out with a feel friends last night, but I wasn't my happy self...Instead I was looking at others and wishing that I can be them...they seem to be people with no problems..I find myself to be wishing, this and that...what I could of done right....I dont know....just my mind thinks alot....but....I know that I have to be postive, but it just seems to be hard to even think that way...Im so very scared that everything will not be OK....Im keep thinking who is going to look after my kids....I go back to wishing that everything is OK.....I soo badly what everything to be right....I keep thinking why me...why me.......common, Im soo scared...what i can i do..anyways....... i have no idea...