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wizmo 
I am so beside myself, I feel like just quitting this whole entire life! Because I don't own my own car, I have to borrow one from my daughter. I had their "Cruiser" but knew that there was something definitely wrong with it, very frightening when you are coming home after midnight!
Told my son-in-law about it and he just shrugged it off. Yesterday, I took their other car, while they took the Cruiser. They had just come out of a restaurant and started to leave when the car
completely broke down, wheels facing in opposite directions! The tie rod had broken!!
Thank God they had not been driving, but I had just driven that car the night before!! Had the tie rod broken while driving, you can lose complete control of the steering, possibly killing not only yourself, but innocent people! I am so furious at my son-in-law and his constant laziness!!
Then, I take their other car and all the way home, the oil light kept coming on. I thought, what next?? Of course I know how to add oil, but again it just infuriated me that he didn't even offer to come and do it himself. Now each day coming a good distance at midnight, I have to have all these worries!!
To top it off, though I don't mind the new job and love the people, I just hate these hours because I am getting no sleep whatsoever, most likely due to all the worries, and now the boss has me working days and days in a row without a break in between because I am the lowest pay scale and no one else wants to cover it! I also have the issue of my mother living at this retirement home. She is constantly bugging me to do things for her, like that's what I am there for! No one would believe how she has been chronically complaining to anyone who will listen to her, how she doesn't like my hours, doesn't want me driving in the rain, why I don't eat when I am there (I eat before I go) and her problems working her TV. I am so embarrassed because I know it is getting on everyone's last nerve. She even expects me to stop whatever work I am doing, just to wait on her!!
All I can say is...."I'm Done!". Nothing has gone right since Rich left. He would have never let me drive an unsafe car and I know he would not be happy with the hours.
I really have to make the decision to leave here and God willing, find something else. Wish I could find something I could walk to, just to avoid these stupid cars.
I know all this venting is coming a lot from my tiredness, but I had to write it out. Even my son feels I have tried to take on too much too soon. My emotions are still bad enough and now I feel even more physically tired than I did before.
I just wish I had "anyone" to talk to about all this, but it seems when you do, everyone turns a deaf ear. I love my son, but even he wasn't worried when I had told him about my fears with the car. Wonder how he will feel now when he hears what happened to it??
Comments
Oh my dear sweet friend. Please don't ever give up. In a few years you will look back and know that you were able to go through a very hard time and you made it through to a whole new chapter of your life. I think all of us need to learn the word NO. If working this much right now is too much, say no. We all have to learn to stand up for ourselves because nobody else will. We lost that person. But Mo?? Next time your feeling this down and alone, call me!
azknows
Wow, you are really dealing with a lot right now -no wonder you need to vent! We all love our children, but that does not mean we can rely on them the way could with our spouse. I don't blame you for being upset about the car; your son-in-law needs to "get real" before he or your daughter or you get killed or hurt!As for your mother, have you explained to her that when you are working you have to treat her as you would any other resident, or would she understand?
It does sound as if you may have to consider getting another job where you could be sure of transport, bus, walking, etc. Working is always frustrating at best, and not having anyone at home to listen, to back you up is hard I know. Is there any way you can trade some hours with other workers so that you are not always the one who has to do it all? I hope things will get better this week. laurabp
laurabp
Oh, Mo, I feel your pain.....it is so hard on us to have to take up the weight of all the extra burdens that we never had to worry about before, and so easy to become overwhelmed by it all. I have a brother whom I dearly love, who lives about 20 minutes from me, and who has told me countless times to call me if I need anything. I've called him several times over the past several months, but he's always so busy helping out his wife's family, that he forgets he has a family, too. His in-laws are incredibly needy, and use him left, right and center, so whenever we call to invite him for a holiday, or anything, he always 'has plans' with them.
I know it's hard, but try to hang in there....send us messages, vent, scream, and cry. I find myself clicking my heels like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, and saying "it will be better, it will get better."
Love & prayers,
Judy
JudysWorld
Hi Everyone and thank you for your wonderful responses and support.
I ended up calling in today and told them about the car and that I can't make it in. I do think I have taken on too much for myself too soon. I know we encounter so much after our losses and I won't bore anyone with the tons I have had to face since Rich, much more than anyone knows.
I also think that the word No is now in my vocabulary. I have decided to let this job go and hopefully find another with better hours and closer to home, and this will also help the situation with my mother.
Thanks so very, very much for all the loving support.....Mo
wizmo
Hi Mo hugs try to hang on to the job Mo till you find a new one just have them reduce your hours so you have time to look for a new one. Look at it this way if they fire you at least you can collect unemployment until you find a new one right?
Just explain to them that you are feeling overwhelmed since the death of your beloved and if they have a heart they will understand your position.Listen about the car is there a Church near you that you can talk to for help for support I remember a church in Florida that bought my sister a dependable car because she was disabled at the time. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help and how about your husbands and your old friends there has to be someone who will loan you a car or look at the one your using. Its time you let people help you Mo and this is coming from someone who needs to follow her own advice yup that would be me Sigh.... I am going to do it I am going to reach out and ask for help. As far as your Mother Inlaw is concerned maybe she is worried for a reason since you never talk about your father Inlaw may I ask is he passed if so maybe that's whats got her worried because she knows what it is like to lose the one you love embrace each other because it sounds like she is calling out for help and now its your turn to call out.. I hardly know you but my heart aches for you. Hugs
SuddenlyAlone
I found out yesterday after we picked up their car from the repair shop that now, the car needs brakes really bad. They can't afford them right now and neither can I, so that car will only be used for small trips. The other car has a problem, I'm sure of it and luckily my daughter even heard it, so I knew I wasn't nuts. I told her that despite anything her husband has to say, TAKE THE CAR IN!! So, now we are left with only one car and she has to use that one, so I guess I am done with the job!
Though I feel bad about it, I won't have the stress of worrying about the late night drive home in a crappy car nor dealing with my mother. My son is looking into eventually getting me my own car, knows some guy who restores cars back into good running condition. Once that happens, I can go out any day I want and hopefully find a part time job.
This job was great but the boss would not accept less hours anyway. I was hired as a fill in for whenever she needed me.
Mary....No, this is not my mother-in-law, this is my own mother. You would have to have known her to really understand that she has been this way all her life. She can take any situation and make it about herself. She totally craves attention and always has. She drove my father crazy and the poor man even broke down to me one time, saying how he couldn't take her ways any more. One year later, he died! I have stories about her you would never believe!! Don't get me wrong, I care about her as a person, but I am the only one. My siblings abandoned her years ago and she never sees or hears from them at all. I couldn't be that way because she is a human being, but her ways are extremely stressful.
Once again, thanks so much to everyone for the love and support. One day, I pray that we can all move forward and have some of the stresses finally taken from our lives! Love to all.....Mo
wizmo
Wizmo -- hang in there.. Its tough I know.. I lost George around the same time you lost Rich and everything went haywire.. Appliances went out, car wouldn't start, garage door broke and then my air conditioner went out this weekend -- of all weekend.
I know your hurting, I know its not getting better, but we have to believe that it will. I feel George around me, do you feel Rich ther with you and I ask him all the time, this is not working, your going to have to help me.. Your going to have to make sure I get thru this... And I find peace with that, even if its only for a short time. You will survive this!
Peace & Love -- Kim
only1kim
it just doesnt seem that all the things that do happen would of happened because they were not let us be bput in danger or have the resposiblity we have they love and took care of us now we must figure out how to take care of ourselves which for me is very difficut i just want to ask him to fix it and fix me he always told me if you want something right do it yourselfmhe lived by those words now i will try my best tooo hard sometimes cant do it if i dont know how but will keep trying asmi hope you will also peace b withu in this ghastly time nita
gmk49