Zodi's Journal

Today I must lay my brother to rest mentally it was made clear that he still hates me for makeing a stupid mistake as a teenager. When I need him the most he rips my heart out and stomps on it. When we did have contact he acted like this was all behind us I was wrong he said I died to him over a decade ago. That the sister he knew doesnt exsit anymore. I also have vulters waiting to tear into me cuz they dont like how I live my life no matter what I say to tell them this is my life they still feell like they know best what the fuck they know they know a small portion of my past so how can they judge me and how I respond to this or anyrhing for this matter Ive had 2 jacks and cokes I want more cause I sorta feel numb. It like the song when doves cry maybe Im demanding maybe your like my father to bold or maybe your like my mother whos never satsfied. I am doing whatever I can to stay away tempations we all know that are strong I wrote my dad but they are close maybe he will once again abandon me again I swear Know one understand and I begining not to care anymore I dont think I can feel as hurt as I am now. My hubby and his mother see me upset they r going back and forth tring to ignore me see what I hve to put up with maybe things will be better off if I do go and not in the sense of leaveing the house but leaving this eartth I gtp talk later