6ft from the edge
July 7, 2009 5:26am
I have managed once again to push my family away. I dont know why I just did Im sick medtally and they think its better if Im off the meds NO WAY I …
Zodi
8:48am, October 7, 2009
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About Me
Zodi
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About Me
lately I have this feeling that ANYTHING medically for me I get the response that he dont care my daily physical pain means nothing ie. I had the swine flu I have been only back on my feet ffor 2 days one day I enjoyed the low pain I have that right the 2 I get a steroid shot in my elbow the was sooo painful I screamed not cause I wanted but cause I had no choice. Well hubby is mad that I did no laundry or dishes he doesnt understand that my physical pain require me to do things different than a normal person my back pain on a good day take 20 minutes to load. I feel he is fed up and If I explain why something isnt dont he gets even more man and say its an excuse he says the swine flu disabled me for 6 years and everytime I give him litature to read and understand what Im going through he sets it on the desk where it gets lost and finially thrown away the only thing he feel is helping me is paying my bills its time I clean the house to show my apperication.I try but cause the man wont even put the toilet paper on the roll he fill he shouldnt have to lift a finger to help.whats sad is HIS brother is the only one thats trying to help me boost my self image in a health way he is my rock tonight I felt so empty, dark, close to cutting when I came here was looking for help instead a 13 yr talks to me about cutting over stupid shit at first I tryied to help her she trick me into teach her how to cut she cries wolf ALLLL the time when shes never cutted to me I felt betrayed again and I felt she had NO business here she claims she wants help but she does not understand the severity she doeasnt know the meaning as why we all are here a si person has a special band w.others the same and she wants that and she wont not ever well I be back got to check on aomething. to all ya music lovers maybe you can get from these two songs it will make you understand First is Jewel-Break me and second is Lisa Marie Presley there is several ok first High enough, Gone, the road between the last 2 song here are about my Dad Oh there is one more Raven by Lisa and I think Christina Agulear-Hurt
lately I have this feeling that ANYTHING medically for me I get the response that he dont care my daily physical pain means nothing ie. I had the swine flu I have been only back on my feet ffor 2 days one day I enjoyed the low pain I have that right the 2 I get a steroid shot in my elbow the was sooo painful I screamed not cause I wanted but cause I had no choice. Well hubby is mad that I did no laundry or dishes he doesnt understand that my physical pain require me to do things different than a
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Interests
Scrapbooking, digital art, photography, poetry, music hard core- getting myself back to normal
Scrapbooking, digital art, photography, poetry, music hard core- getting myself back to normal
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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A day for mourning
June 7, 2009 6:04pm
Today I must lay my brother to rest mentally it was made clear that he still hates me for makeing a stupid mistake as a teenager. When I need him the …
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***TRIGGER FOR SI PPL
June 7, 2009 8:38am
Im not going to sit here and be the lier my mother n law has called me. I have no problem with having a bitch session w/her but last night I tried to …
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Today I feel I will have to fight for my life
June 7, 2009 6:52am
My hubby has set up a bitch session for his Mom and I but I feel like something is wrong....You know how you get those butterflies like when ya mom …
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THE DAY I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF SELFISH PPL
June 3, 2009 11:09pm
I dont know what to say but I was talking to a friend who had the urgues so bad to SI she turned to me which for me is fine but my IN LAW said …
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Hugbook
Hug
hope all is well - sorry i havent been around either to hug u back been on a bit of an up but alas no longer tough times all around it seems so extra love is needed so Im sending some X
Hug
Have heard from you in awhile. I hope all is well!
Moment of Peace
I'm sorry you've been in so much pain. I wish I could take it away. I do hope you feel better soon. LOTS OF HUGS AND LOVE SENT TO YOU!
Love,
Audrey-
Hug
(((HUGS))) Thinking of you. I hope you are experiencing some relief!
Hug
yea i'm always here whenever you want to share i dont get on everyday anymore because im super busy but i try to get on enough *hugs*
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
I was abused as a child I started SI when I was a teen Im 33 and still do it. I mostly did it for one of 3 reasons I felt numb, or overwhelmed with emotions, and I have chronic pain now I sometimes do it to draw attention away from that pain to a control pain. when I was 20 I had a tubal preg. Just after emergency surgery the father dumped me for his ex. when I was release I got drunk took a few pain meds and really cut my wriasts up not to die just to have control. recently Im jut so angry.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- unsure just been to one
- Talking Working / Worked
- When I can I talk to my best friend it does help.
- Music Working / Worked
- I use music to help me express supressed emotions
Close Anger Management
Im having anger issues thats hard to deal with. So from recent issues others building from childhood on. I really need a outlet for this anger before something serious happens.
Open Environmental Allergies
Type of allergy: OtherSince I was a child Ive had severe allergies I cant have a skin test w/o it sending me into shock. My Dad was right Im allergic to life.
Treatments
- Benadryl Working / Worked
- works most of time
Open Chronic Pain
i suffer from this and i have a family that not only excepts this they dont understand i lost the only person that accepted me as i was and supported me when noones else would i need to kn ow im not alone
Treatments
- Chiropractic Adjustment Working / Worked
- helps a lot if i could just get there i have no trsnsport help
- Flexeril Somewhat Helpful
- sometimes it helps
- Heat Working / Worked
- helps a lot but i have to use it so much i have a nasty burn from chronic use of it i have no choice
- Hydrocodone Working / Worked
- when my pain is manageable
- Marijuana Working / Worked
- it help if i could use it
- Morphine Working / Worked
- helps but highly addicting pill form doesnt work a lot but iv yes
- Neurontin Working / Worked
- i have my good days and bad days
- Oxycodone Working / Worked
- helps if docs let me take it
- Physical Therapy Not Working
- TENS Somewhat Helpful
- smetimes b ut somtimes aggravate something else
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressioneveryday i struggle just to make it through the day i have no one to talk to no one who understands im also bipolar
Treatments
- Elavil Working / Worked
- cant stop taking it or it causes lot of pain
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- i have my moments but that all moments
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- just getting adjusted to this chaos of my life to get it when they can see me not when i need to
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- i think i need a larger dose
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- no one seems tocare or try to understand me w/o being bitter if i have nothing nice to say
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- its my lifesaver
- Writing Working / Worked
- unable to write well considering my right arm is in a cast easier to type
