Shade
October 23, 2009 10:32pm
Played tourist today and laid out at the pool. Befriended this woman beside me and I had mentioned how the sun was getting the best of me. As I …
Progress
75 %
rapidpulse
9:34pm, July 2, 2009
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About Me
rapidpulse
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About Me
I love love, I love truth (even when it hurts), I love to think, I find people who think deeply to be VERY sexy. I fall in love easily, or think I do and I have a difficult time discerning love from infatuation / lust. I tend to fall in head first only to land on my head ... but sometimes it doesn't hurt and that makes it worth while. I am a fool but only because its fun. I want to be a part of everything but I don't want to be the center of attention. I desire to be appreciated and needed but tend to shy away from too much praise or adoration; I think it makes me uncomfortable. I love to dream and daydream! I try not to judge, but find that sometimes I do anyway. I do not like this about myself and so its a work in progress. I do not wish to be perfect and am very suspicious of those who appear to be. I do not have many people that I would call "close friends" I am always looking for my soul mate ... I know that he is out there, I can feel it. My greatest fear is that I have met him or will meet him ... and we will pass without connecting because of circumstance and time. My soul aches for him and sometimes it hurts.
I love love, I love truth (even when it hurts), I love to think, I find people who think deeply to be VERY sexy. I fall in love easily, or think I do and I have a difficult time discerning love from infatuation / lust. I tend to fall in head first only to land on my head ... but sometimes it doesn't hurt and that makes it worth while. I am a fool but only because its fun. I want to be a part of everything but I don't want to be the center of attention. I desire to be appreciated and needed but tend
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Website
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Interests
Landscaping and gardening. The only life that you are responsible of are plants, flowers, trees and anything else that you plant and grow. It's for some reason the only thing that God allows you to control it's life, regardless if it lives or dies. Where we as humans do not have an emotional attachment if a plant should die because of our "due of lack care". Why? How is life in plants different than we humans and animals? (And yet, we pick and choose which animals we control to live and die) Whitney Houston I Didnt Know My Own Strength.mp3 Free file hosting from File Den
Landscaping and gardening. The only life that you are responsible of are plants, flowers, trees and anything
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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2 hugs received
October 27
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rapidpulse gave LKM1982 a funny face 3:47am
Hey La'akea- Hope you are well my friend. Don't forget to smile :-)…
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rapidpulse gave colored_cheerios a rainbow 3:44am
My Dear India- Hope this brightens your day. Love you my dear friend!…
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rapidpulse commented on marknreno’s journal entry Soon to be single 3:42am
Mark... Sometimes we don't see it, but it may be a blessing in disguise. :-) You'll be okay, happy,…
October 23
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rapidpulse wrote a journal entry updating their Think more positive goal 10:32pm
Played tourist today and laid out at the pool. Befriended this woman beside me and I had mentioned how…
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rapidpulse commented on colored_cheerios’s journal entry Fingers crossed finally over ... 10:30pm
I bet your hand feels better now my friend. LOL Love to you and yours.…
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Journal
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You have always been there, like a friend....
October 19, 2009 1:43pm
I've been told by my therapist that through this process of sobriety, I would loose friends and gain friends along the way. It's …
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Back to the "grind" of my gears
October 4, 2009 2:44am
As I start my new work week, I feel that I have entered that realm in all of our lives called the "grind". I'm tired after work …
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It's all about the "now"
September 25, 2009 3:32am
Can't even begin to tell you how much change has happened to me over the last few weeks. My thought process has taken a new approach, which …
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I Call my meeting to order!
September 17, 2009 5:12pm
Last night was the first time in a few months that I walked through the door and into a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. It sort of happened by …
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Hugbook
Hug
have a good weekend
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Well Done
Coming up on 6 months ... WOOHOO .. a half of a year. Good for you.
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Hug
Thank you for your support. I don't know what is going to happen or when.
Thanks
Thanks Jona for the journal comment and I sure did feel the weight lift off my shoulders a bit. Now my younger sister is next who I also want to come out too and thanks again my friend.
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Hug
Hello there Jona how is everything? Have a great weekend.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Meth Addiction & Recovery
My B/F brought meth into our home and starting using without my knowledge. I fell into temptation! We both partied and used excessively for 8 months. we did about $35-$40 K worth of meth in those 8 months. Things got crazy. i finally left in early Feb. One of us would either have gone to jail or end up dead. Our beautiful home is close to foreclosure, i took a leave of absence from work for 2 months, plan on returning this week. Grandfather died in Nov. AND I CAN'T STOP USING!
Treatments
- Detox Working / Worked
- I went to a detox facility and hated it. my room mate was homeless and stunk. staff was not attentive and seemed more concerned in the facilities interest in getting me into their residential program, over my best interest. I have gone through detox on my own, by myself in a comfortable and safe environment with a friend checking in on my. I have been sober since.
- Narcotics Anonymous (NA) Somewhat Helpful
- i go. it is what it is.
Close Gay Men's Challenges
I am a meth addict and was turned on to the drug by an abusive boy friend of 8 yrs. abusive? more verbal abuse than anything. i left in early Feb '09 and have dealt with too many things. Our beautiful home is on the verge of foreclosure, i work in tourism and hours have been cut, and have taken personal time off for 2 month to deal with things, and i'm in financial ruin. My Grandfather had passed in Nov., I have yet to grieve. there was no emotional support from my partner during his death.
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a RelativeMy Grandfather who was more of a father to me had passed at his home with all of the family around him. I was high and an addict at the time and feel as if now, clean and sober, that it's been just a dream. I can't remember him being healthy, my memory is that of a strong man who's physical change withered into a sick old man, with each passing day until he died. Yes, I'm grateful for saying all that I had to say, but painful to slowly watch him die. :(
Treatments
- Crying Somewhat Helpful
- Prayer Working / Worked
- I pray every night to God, St. Anthony and St. Jude. I do notice a difference with everything!
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- My therapist asked me "What would you like to say to my Grandfather right now". I said "Sorry that I wasn't there for you more in Mind and Spirit". He replied "What do you think your Grandfather would say to you"? I replied "He would tell me to get over it, live your life, get better, and be the man that I taught you to be"
- Time Too Soon to Tell
- Time is just time. At one point it did seem like the longer time had passed the harder it was dealing with his death. But now, it's just so, so.
Open Depression
World closed in on me. Death of my Grandfather, my hero. Fincial situation is grim. Drug addiction. End of an 8 year relationship. Along with the every day to day crap.
Treatments
- Paxil Working / Worked
- It's okay I guess. I was on Citalopram and that gave me too much anxiety.
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- They give you the tools to use like breathing techniques, positive affirmation, and to change you thought process.... but flies right out the door when you're in the deepest of the deepest in depression.
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
Open Financial Challenges
Two mortgages that are behind / Credit Cards all maxed out / Income is not the same / Separation from partner of 8 years.
Treatments
- Credit Counseling Too Soon to Tell
- Filing for Bankruptcy Considering
- Seeking a free consultation this week with attorney.
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Groups
