bellamy's Journal

I just wrote a long entry and decided I didn't want to post it for fear of, well, I don't even know. I guess just putting it out there. I guess I am just feeling really broken right now. And rejected. I feel like a giant pile of crap that everyone wants to scrape off their shoe and forget about.

I wish I had a sister who cared enough to return my calls or emails. I wish I had the support I so desperately need right now. Whatever happened to family comes first and you stand by their side no matter what? And how is it that I can forgive people for anything, no matter how bad they have hurt me, but I can't even be told what I have done, let alone be given the courtesy of honesty?

I'm just feeling really negative right now. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that everything will be okay. But it just hurts so much when I miss someone who doesn't even want me around. I don't want to feel this pain any more. How do I shut off my emotions? Not care when people hurt me or lie about me? I need to get in a better place before my surgery because God knows I need all of the positive vibes I can handle going into it. Unfortunately I don't see that happening any time soon..