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bellamy 
3:44pm, September 25, 2009
Surgery went well yesterday. It was an emotional time for me, but I went into it with hugs and kisses from Addison and Brylee, a prayer with my wonderful pastor, and the attitude that I will come out of this feeling much better. My doctor was able to remove all of the endometriosis and cysts, although he had to move some organs around to get it all out, which is making for some more pain today. In a couple of weeks I will hear the complete results from my surgery, including pathology reports. I will also then be able to start my HRT; my doctor wants to make sure my hormones are calmed down after surgery.
I am really surprised at how well I am feeling. I think it helps that I was prepared for this surgery and I knew that it was my last option. My doctor went through the same incision from my cesarean, so that could be why this isn't hurting as bad. I was actually able to sit up on my own and stayed on the edge of the bed for a few minutes. It hurt a little, but not near as bad as I thought it would. I unfortunately didn't sleep too well last night since I napped so much yesterday and I had these silly leg things that inflate and deflate to help prevent blood clots in my legs. I called them space boots. :)
I had a bit of a rough morning this morning and wasn't feeling too well. My doctor came by and said that the incision looks great and I am moving around nicely. However, my nurse disconnected my iv so I could start walking around and then never came back to reconnect it, which meant I couldn't get my pain meds. A new nurse finally came in around noon to give me a pill because my other nurse was apparently sent home for the day. So by this point the pain was getting pretty bad and my incision started to bleed a little from sitting too much. Thankfully now I am feeling better since they finally got my meds figured out.
I am starting to get some pretty serious hot flashes, and my skin feels like it is on fire at times, but no crazy mood swings yet. I am having a few problems though because since the Women's Center at the hospital is the same floor as the maternity ward, I am lumped in with women who are pregnant and going into labor. I am in the Perinatal Ward, so when some nurses, janitors, or room service people come in, they ask when I am due. They see the pictures of the girls and are surprised I am pregnant again. So then I have to explain that I actually had a hysterectomy yesterday and am indeed not pregnant. So that gets a little emotional. And it is kind of hard to hear the women in the rooms next to me being monitored and listening to their babies' heartbeats. But I know that this is all for the best. Not only for me, but for the girls.
For now I think I will just keep trying to remain positive and take things one day at a time. While this may not be ideal, or seem fair to me, I know that I will get through this thanks to the support I have from my wonderful friends and family and church. I want to personally thank all of you who have come to visit me, written to me and Steve and texted me. It is people like you who make this easier for me to deal with and slowly begin to accept. Steve and I truly appreciate your support through this and we hope that you will continue to pray for us to have the strength and courage to get through this. Before I know it, I'll be all healed and feeling like a brand new person!
I am really surprised at how well I am feeling. I think it helps that I was prepared for this surgery and I knew that it was my last option. My doctor went through the same incision from my cesarean, so that could be why this isn't hurting as bad. I was actually able to sit up on my own and stayed on the edge of the bed for a few minutes. It hurt a little, but not near as bad as I thought it would. I unfortunately didn't sleep too well last night since I napped so much yesterday and I had these silly leg things that inflate and deflate to help prevent blood clots in my legs. I called them space boots. :)
I had a bit of a rough morning this morning and wasn't feeling too well. My doctor came by and said that the incision looks great and I am moving around nicely. However, my nurse disconnected my iv so I could start walking around and then never came back to reconnect it, which meant I couldn't get my pain meds. A new nurse finally came in around noon to give me a pill because my other nurse was apparently sent home for the day. So by this point the pain was getting pretty bad and my incision started to bleed a little from sitting too much. Thankfully now I am feeling better since they finally got my meds figured out.
I am starting to get some pretty serious hot flashes, and my skin feels like it is on fire at times, but no crazy mood swings yet. I am having a few problems though because since the Women's Center at the hospital is the same floor as the maternity ward, I am lumped in with women who are pregnant and going into labor. I am in the Perinatal Ward, so when some nurses, janitors, or room service people come in, they ask when I am due. They see the pictures of the girls and are surprised I am pregnant again. So then I have to explain that I actually had a hysterectomy yesterday and am indeed not pregnant. So that gets a little emotional. And it is kind of hard to hear the women in the rooms next to me being monitored and listening to their babies' heartbeats. But I know that this is all for the best. Not only for me, but for the girls.
For now I think I will just keep trying to remain positive and take things one day at a time. While this may not be ideal, or seem fair to me, I know that I will get through this thanks to the support I have from my wonderful friends and family and church. I want to personally thank all of you who have come to visit me, written to me and Steve and texted me. It is people like you who make this easier for me to deal with and slowly begin to accept. Steve and I truly appreciate your support through this and we hope that you will continue to pray for us to have the strength and courage to get through this. Before I know it, I'll be all healed and feeling like a brand new person!
I just wrote a long entry and decided I didn't want to post it for fear of, well, I don't even know. I guess just putting it out there. I guess I am just feeling really broken right now. And rejected. I feel like a giant pile of crap that everyone wants to scrape off their shoe and forget about.
I wish I had a sister who cared enough to return my calls or emails. I wish I had the support I so desperately need right now. Whatever happened to family comes first and you stand by their side no matter what? And how is it that I can forgive people for anything, no matter how bad they have hurt me, but I can't even be told what I have done, let alone be given the courtesy of honesty?
I'm just feeling really negative right now. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that everything will be okay. But it just hurts so much when I miss someone who doesn't even want me around. I don't want to feel this pain any more. How do I shut off my emotions? Not care when people hurt me or lie about me? I need to get in a better place before my surgery because God knows I need all of the positive vibes I can handle going into it. Unfortunately I don't see that happening any time soon..
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| May 2009 |
Friday, 5/15
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