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Yung 
After a short 3-month period of "bliss" from my primary chemotherapy, my CA125 shot up way high. Not a welcome sign! The recent CAT scan revealed the progression of disease with new multiple lesions, some ascites and new pleural effusion. I will be on Gemzar on this second round of chemo therapy. I had my first Gemzar infusion yesterday 05/19/09. Will see what happen after a few months. I pray to God that this new chemotherapy will work in my favor.
On a happier note, my husband and I will be visiting our son (who lives about 2 hours away of the car ride from us) this weekend. We will be watching the air show at the navy base where he works. I know my husband really looks forward to this event so I am going to try my best to be energetic enough to make it through the trip for all of our sake. I am also planning to do some soap carvings to bring to my son this weekend.
There are so many things I wish to do, but I could only accomplish so much less than I had wanted to, these days. Most of my time and energy seem to have been absorbed by something else, i.e. coping with the stress of not being able to sleep and eat, not to mention my worry about the prognosis …
I will keep trying my best to have a appositive attitude, to keep my spirits up, and build up my strength with the support I am receiving from you all through the DS.
Comments
Hello Yung, I understand what you are saying about stress and not being able to sleep. I am a worrier myself and cancer does bring with it thoughts that are difficult to put away in the night. I am seeing a counselor and this is definitely helping me. I guess my best advice from what I've learned by being in counseling is just to deal with the present. Worries about the future really are not productive and do not help us. My counselor said to think of driving a bus on the road to health and wellness. Some of the passengers on the bus are things like fear, panic, and the other specific worries you might have. She said that you can acknowledge that these passengers are there but don't let them derail you from the road you want. Positive passengers can be things like 'I feel good today' or 'I exercised.' Other roads can be fear, hopelessness, and despair but you want to stay on the health and wellness road. She said there are actions to take such as, in your case, starting back on chemo, which you have done. I've really briefly summarized an entire hour of counseling. She said that to reaffirm commitments to the path you want to take. I think the important message she had for me was that the worry interfers with the quality of life in the present, that we can acknowledge the worry, but then go on with our day. I hope some of this helps. Maybe it helps to know that others of us have the scary nights, too.
I'm glad you are visiting your son. It should be a good distraction for you and I will pray that the new treatment works well for you. Much love, Janet
IUPUI
Sorry to hear that you are back on the chemo.. I will be hoping that this time it does the job and you will be free of this.. It does help lots to find better things to fill our time with than the worry and the stress.. this seems to be the best way forward.. though not always easy I know.. but we seem to get very good at it after a while.. the trip to see your son is just the sort of tonic you need.. Have a wonderful time.. Love and hugs xxx
Halli
Yung, I am so sorry to hear you are back on chemo. But I am sure it will do the trick this time. I liked Janets analogy about the bus. Seem like a good coping tool. Seeing family is always the best medicing. Have a great time. Love and hugs.
anitaama
Yung, I was on Gemzar for recurrence and it really put me in a stable place. It's not easy, but I believe that one has to wrap one's mind around the fact that this "won't go away" for good...once one has recurrence. Keeping your cancer stable, with chemo, as long as it continues to work, is what one strives for. If you can think like this...you can still enjoy the time you have. Of course, when on chemo, one gets so discouraged because of the weakness and exhaustion. (or at least this has been my case.) My Doc has had me on anti-depresion meds for years which I've found helpful in the "mental battle."
My son also lives 2 hours drive from us...and I don't get down there as much when I'm in treatment. I know the feeling of "pretending" to be upbeat and active in such a scenario. Last weekend I was walking miles, all over Seattle, for my husband's sake. It was worth every minute and I did enjoy myself. Just was pretty dang exhausted when I got back.
Your carvings are sooooo beautiful. I think you have put some of your soul into them, as they are truly unique, like you.
hugs and enjoy seeing your son.
lindamae
lindamae
Dear Yung
All of us are surviving, in one way or another, on this site: some are on chemo, some are off, however I`ve never been off since my chemo began last August. Presently I`m on Avastin/Gemzar, which seem to be my wonder drugs, as they`ve reduced my CA125 to 24. My CA125 numbers started at 7500 a year ago. Please remember that this is like being on a roller coaster, as we have our ups and down. The most important thing is to stay strong to fight your battle. Lots of Love.
xxLinda
Lindaheff